Organizational Excellence

So, I'm here at work at 4:30 in the morning and it's a bit chilly. So, I thought a cup of hot chocolate might be nice. (Sugar Free of course.) I go to the kitchen. No cups out on the counter. Plenty of lids, but no cups. No worries. I look through all the cabinets. More lids. No cups. I glance about the room knowing that there must be a box around somewhere. They often dump a box in the kitchen and wait for someone to empty it. Ah. There it is. A box. OF LIDS.

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Things NOT to do when driving to Mexico

So, last Wednesday, we began our journey to San Felipe. We made a few mistakes along the way, though none of them ended up hurting us too badly. We didn't spend any time in a Mexican prison and we didn't have to bribe any Mexican officials. Still, it could have gone better...

Things didn't start all that well as we had not packed or arranged our supplies or secured care for Nala. My wife had not finished her homework and I had not proofread it. We did not have our car activities set out and I was still unable to copy an audio book to our device. Oh, yes, and Maya and I had a rehearsal from 7-9:30. Somehow, we got all the things done and even had the car loaded such that we just had to roll out of bed and go in the morning. This of course contributed directly to the first thing.

The first thing you should not do when meeting people at 5:30 am in a Target parking lot to caravan down to Mexico is to stay up until 1:45 am making trip preparations. Granted, they need to be done, but you really ought to start sooner. Six hour drives are not recommended on three hours sleep. This is especially true if you don't speak the language of the place you are traveling to.

But we did that anyway and had to suffer the consequences. One of those consequences is also item number 2 on our list. If you need to arrive at 5:30 am, do not set the alarm clock to 5:00...PM! It might get you a little extra sleep, but it only annoys the people who got up on time and are waiting for your sorry butt. And if you do make this mistake, try not to sound like the ringing phone woke you up. Blame your children for the delay or something like that.

We were fortunate in that the people we were traveling with are really nice and overlooked our tardiness. By a little after 6 the wagon train pulled out. We were given the privilege of being the middle car. This is good because they would have lost us otherwise. Our little 4 cylinder engine was no match for the Sequoia in front of us and the Beemer behind. We were barely able to do 50 on the uphill parts in the mountains. Craig wrangled from behind and we kept in cell phone contact while we were on the U.S. side of the border. We brought radios so that we wouldn't have to use the phones once we crossed. Roaming charges, you see. That segues nicely into number 3.

We stopped at a McDonald's in Colexico which is the U.S. city adjacent to Mexicali, where we would be crossing. Craig and I took our cars to get gas and Mexican car insurance while everyone else went in for a bite. We came back and stopped in for something ourselves. I opted for lowfat milk which I added to the cereal I had brought. Then we piled in for an uneventful border crossing. Getting into Mexico is very easy. I don't think anyone even asked us a question. We just drove straight through. That's when thing number 3 occurred to us. "Where's Curt?", I asked. Curt is Joshua's favorite stuffed friend. He's a bear with a Red Sox World Series shirt. He was in the car when we got to McDonald's, but did not seem to be present now. "Where's my cell phone?", I added, as I looked around for Curt. "I didn't have either one," my wife informed me. "I left the phone right on the seat," I asserted, a mild note of panic mingling with the lack of sleep. "Josh brought Curt to the bathroom with him," Maya recalled. Bollix.

We signaled and pulled over to the shoulder on the main highway in Mexicali. We were still very much in the city part. Cars wooshed by as the Sequoia idled in front and the BMW behind. Craig hopped out to find out what was going on and relay the information to Maria, the lead driver. We searched the whole car and found the cell phone. In the trunk. "Oh. Maybe I moved that when I moved our warm clothes," my wife said unabashedly. We decided we had to do a trunk dive for Curt, Josh screaming and crying the whole while. Alas, Curt was not there. He had to still be at McDonald's, on the U.S. side of the border. Border crossing on a work day, which this was, at rush hour, which this was, is a challenging proposition. After our tardiness, nobody wanted to add another 1-2 hours onto the trip.

So, we did the only thing we could. We broke out the cell phones and ate some information and roaming charges. There were two McD's in Colexico. We asked for the one near the border. I called it. A man answered. "Ola." I explained that we were looking for a stuffed bear that was left behind and that we had just eaten there. Clearly, he knew, right what I was getting at. "Ola?" he replied. The mild note decided to kick it up a notch. "Look...ummmm....nosotros...uh...left...un pequna...ehhhhh....stuffed animal." You just know THAT is going to work. "Ola?" Argh! "Look, can I speak to someone else?" *click* He hung up on me. He hung up on me! How hard is it to figure out that you don't speak the same language as the person on the other end and get someone who does?!? I called back, hoping to get someone else. I did! And they promptly told me I wanted the OTHER McD's. At least they gave me the number. So, I called that one and was getting nowhere again, when my wife stepped up to the plate. She is not fluent in Spanish, but is significantly closer than I am. She used far fewer Ums and Uhs and more Spanish words. After five minutes, they determined that they didn't have the bear. They also determined that they were not the McD's right next to the border. They gave us the first phone number again. This time, my wife had the discussion with Senor Ola. He was willing to hand the phone off for her because he could almost understand her. Grrrrrr. Well, she talked to the other person. "Did you find uno osito? A little bear?" The woman on the other end was the manager. She gave an excited reply, "¿Osa Menor? Sí. ¿Es marrón y borrosa? ¿Tiene una pequeña camisa blanca?" That means, "A little bear? Yes. Is it brown and fuzzy? Does it have a little white shirt?" We found Curt! They agreed to put him in a bag for us with our name on it and hold onto it until Sunday. We couldn't go back, but we had found our wayward bear and were assured of his return. Granted, the phone charges were likely more than the cost of the bear, but there are just some things you have to do when you're a Dad.

By the way, number 3 on the list? Don't let your children take anything out of the car at any rest stops!

So, now we were in the unenviable position of having to explain to Josh that we weren't going to see Curt for the rest of vacation. He didn't take it well. I tried explaining that Curt was just having a sleepover. He was going to eat chicken nuggets and play on the playground. We'd pick him up Sunday and all would be well. He was still not very pleased, so I broke out the radios. Distract him, I thought. He liked them and it did distract him, although he couldn't get the hang of pressing the talk button. So, he had me talk to him. Then I got silly. To amuse him, I started saying, "Aieeeeeee! Los Federales! Ayuda me! Ayuda me!" in a kind of high pitched voice into the radio. This translates roughly to, "Aieeeeeee! The state police! Help me!" He laughed. He wanted me to do it again. And again. This led to thing 4. I did it one more time and the radio crackled to life. Someone with an official sounding voice said "Ola?" and then rattled off a bunch of Spanish. Thing 4: Don't bust on the police on an open radio.

We decided to stop playing with the radios at this point. At the next red light, we did a Chinese fire drill to get the second radio to Craig and Kat. That way we could communicate without roaming charges as we drove. Things went pretty smoothly for a while, even though everyone was tired and cranky. Maria set a blistering pace that we were not exactly comfortable with. The speed limit alternated between 60 and 80 km/hr. We were doing 120. Knowing that the Federales like to hassle gringos, we were more interested in toeing the line. Additionally, she liked to pass in non-passing zones and stay in the other lane for an extended period to pass more than one car. At least that is what we thought at the time. It turns out the whole 'staying in the other lane' thing is a caravan trick to let you know it is clear to get over. That enables everyone to know when it is safe to pass. Live and learn. We were still going too fast. We were ripe for thing 5. There were a few contributing factors to thing 5. The first was our speed. The second was the bright sun behind us which made it hard to see when the lead car's brake lights came on. The third was not braking slowly as we passed a Federales cruiser on the side of the ride while decelerating from double he speed limit.

As we passed by his position, we noticed his car pull out behind Craig. I dare say we were all a little anxious. He followed for a bit and then pulled alongside Craig. We had all slowed to within the speed limit. He stared out the window of the cruiser at Craig, daring him to look. To his credit, Craig stared straight ahead. After a while, he tired of this and pulled alongside us. My wife was driving and refused to look. I sneaked a glance from under my hat. It was covering my face so I could feign sleep. The trooper did not appear to be in a good mood. His stern expression was accentuated by his slicked back hair and mirrored shades. He didn't see me peek and my wife refused to look, so he moved up the column. He pulled in front of Maria and enforced the speed limit with his presence all the waedgep to the ede of the desert. He tired of the game and the heat and pulled off at the last chance saloon on the edge of the desert for a beer. Bullet dodged. Thing 5: don't jam on the brakes in front of the Feds, especially when you are speeding.

Given this travelogue, I'm sure you are expecting trouble in the desert. Wrong! The only interesting thing in the desert was the military checkpoint and the men with machine guns. They looked at us and just waved us through. We evenuneventfulan uneventul pit stop at a road side "rest area". It was a bit sketchy. There was a man there who attended the area and sold cold beverages. He also handed out napkins as you walked by. This was to make up for the lack of toilet paper. He spoke no English, so I exhausted my entire Spanish vocabulary conversing with him while the kids went to the bathroom. Then Josh needed my help. When I went in, I found an interesting place. The urinals had been removed from the walls such that you had to use one of the two stalls. The door to one of them didn't open. This turned out not to be a big deal as the wall between the two stalls was missing. I found out what Joshua needed my help with. Hopping from one stall to the other through the missing divider.

We got back on the road and made good time he rest of the way. We pulled into the resort at noon and it only took an hour to get our rooms and keys. From there, we went to lunch arestaurantl restaraunt for our final mistake of the day. We pulled together a bunch of tables on the patio to make room for the twelve of us. Some of us ordered in English and some in Spanish. We waffled on whether or not the water was purified there. The waiter told us he'd bring us a pitcher. But we still weren't sure, so I went to the room and brought back bottled water, instead of buying theirs. We also brought our own wine. We confirmed that this was ok before we did it. The waiter was very nice about it. He uncorked the wine and put both bottles in a bucket of ice on a stand. Then the food came out. Craig and Miriam had ordered carne asada quesadillas. Twice when repeating the order, the waiter had said 'tacos' instead of 'quesadillas'. So, I stopped and corrected him. He got very impatient and said, "Si. Si. I know!" He brought out two plates of carne asada TACOS. Then he insisted they were quesadillas. Maya ordered chicken enchiladas with rice and beans. He brought her chicken salad on lettuce on a fish shaped plate. He then insisted she said "insalata" and not "enchilada". He relented and brought what she ordered. Miriam ate her tacos. Craig did not. The waiter scowled at us the whole time. When we finally got he bill, there was a $12 charge for uncorking the wine that we had not been informed of.

Thing 6: Don't piss off a grumpy Mexican waiter.

Next time, I'll tell you about the actual trip itself.

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Bill limiting procreation assistance abandoned

Apparently, the genius behind Indiana's procreation assistance bill aws not anticipating all the negative flap she was getting about the bill and has dropped it. State Sen. Patricia Miller (R-Indianapolis) had acknowledged the bill would be controversial. Duh! So, you want to force people who can't conceive naturally to have to submit to government scrutiny to determine whether or not they are fit to be parents? And they got upset? Just because the statute said gays and single people were unfit to be pregnant? Shocking!

Score one for "All men are created equal."

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Weight Watchers Week Won...er...One...er...Six

So, I've been on Weight Watchers for just over five weeks now and it has been going well. I started this post after week 1, wherein I lost 5 lbs, but never quite finished the post. I have now lost approximately 15 pounds and feel great! I just got my 15 lb star and am closing in on my first 10%. When I have lost 21 lbs, I will have lost 10% of my body weight. My unclothed weight this morning was 189.5! That is the lowest I have been since about my wife's second trimester with Maya. If I get down to 180 unclothed, my lovely wife has promised to by me a new mp3 player! You can't help but feel better about yourself under those circumstances. And the thing is, it hasn't been too hard! It hasn't been easy, but I've found the Weight Watchers program to be perfect for me...

It's not as oppressive a program as you might expect. I know I did. That's why I put off joining for as long as I did. I kept telling myself that I could lose the weight my own way. After a while, I decided that maybe I couldn't. I found a WW location near me, via the website and went down to sign up.

There are a number of ways to do WW. The most effective is to attend meetings with a friend. I don't have any of those out here who are interested in losing weight with me, so I decided to fly solo, which is still more effective than not going to meetings. At any rate, the meetings have different topic each week, and after your first meeting there is an orientation. The meeting consists of weighing-in, getting a new information booklet (during the first 12 weeks), recognizing accomplishments, discussing the topic of the week, Q&A, and then an orientation or newcomers or people who want a refresher.

The first thing to learn about WW is that it is not a diet. It's a lifestyle change. This is a crucial component as diets don't really work. As soon as you stop the thing that is enabling your weight loss, you go right back up again. The point of WW is to change your perceptions and conceptions about what is a healthy lifestyle.

At orientation, I learned that WW offers two meal plans. Neither requires you to buy anything special. (They make their money of meeting fees and optional products.) You can switch between the plans at the beginning of each week, if you like. Most people choose the Flex plan, but I preferred the Core plan. Actually, I kind of did both, but with a focus on the core plan. I was curious how they compared, you see. The Flex plan allocates you a certain number of points based on your weight at the beginning of the week. You log everything you eat and drink in your weekly journal and record the points on the table. The more you weigh, the more points you get. The minimum for anyone regardless of weight is 20 per day. The maximum is 34. This is to ensure that you are eating enough, but still positioned to safely lose weight.

To give you a sense of scale, here are some point values.

• 1 cup of lettuce = 0 points
• 1/2 cup cooked black beans = 2 points
• 1 cup of skim milk = 2 points
• 4 oz of lean beef = 6 points
• 1 McDonald's cheese burger = 7 points
  
• 1 cup regular ice cream = 8 points
• 1/4 of a Papa Gino's large cheese pizza = 10 points
  
• 1 cup premium ice cream = 14 points
• 1 original Whopper sandwich = 17 points
• 1 medium size chocolate chip cookie dough Dairy Queen Blizzard = 24 points
• Denny's Farmer Slam WITHOUT syrup or butter = 30 points!!!

So you can see that some foods work well with your points and others do not. On the core plan, you can eat anything you want, as long as you have the points for it. The only rule is, you bite it, you write it. In addition to your daily allotment, you also have 35 points to use as you see fit for the week. You can use them all at one meal, if, say, you wanted the Farmer Slam. You could also just have 5 extra points a day if you wanted a little treat here or there. Maybe you can't live without butter, so you use your points for that. They do not carry over from week to week. Point values are listed in your week 1 book for most foods. If you don't see a food listed, you also get a slide rule that correlates fiber, fat, and calories to points.

The core plan is simpler, but more restrictive. You still get your 35 weekly points for whatever you want, so there is some counting involved. However, your daily guideline is that you are allowed to eat until you are satisfied of ANY of the core foods. The core food list is pretty extensive. You can have all the fresh fruits and vegetables you want. Ditto for lean cuts of meat, fish, and eggs. You are also allowed healthy oils, high fiber cereals, and fat free milk. You can also have potatoes or whole grain pasta at one meal a day. Most sauces that are not cream based are also on the core plan. Basically, you are cutting out refined sugar and fatty dairy. You don't have to log what you eat, but it is still a good idea to do it.

Regardless of the plan, you are also supposed to follow some healthy guidelines as well. These guidelines include eating five servings of fruits and vegetables, 2 servings of dairy, 2 servings of healthy oil, and six eight-ounce glasses of water each day. It is also recommended that you take a daily multi-vitamin, and ensure that you get at least one serving of protein per day. Here is my week one daily log:

Day 1: Veggie omelet cup of skim milk medium apple 1/2 large cucumber slice of watermelon broccoli slaw salad 1 cup of grapes home made chicken stir fry 8 oz baby carrots cup of skim milk Total points: 22	Day 2: 1.25 cups of shredded wheat cup of skim milk medium apple stir fry 4 oz baby carrots sesame bread 1 banana left over stir-fry 1/2 cucumber cup of skim milk Total points: 26
Day 3: Banana Cantaloupe Grilled chicken salad 1 cup sugar free pudding Celery stalks 1.25 cups shredded wheat 1 cup skim milk More celery Applebees Tilapia dinner Applebees WW berry cheesecake Total points: 27	Day 4: 1.25 cups shredded wheat cup of skim milk Stir fry 1 cup sugar free pudding cantaloupe Whole wheat pasta Home made tomato sauce with ground turkey Total points: 26
Day 5: shredded wheat cup skim milk 4 oz carrots celery stalks 8 oz watermelon 5 oz chicken finger vegetables black bean soup grilled chicken salad veggies and dip Total points: 23	Day 6: cereal cup skim milk ground turkey sloppy joes polenta cucumber slices garden salad Applebees Tilapia dinner grape tomatoes Total points: 16
Day 7: 1 cup Kashi puffed rice cereal 1/2 cup shredded wheat 1 cup skim milk Whole wheat pasta Home made meat sauce Grape tomatoes Cucumber slices 1 cup black bean soup 1 cup grapes 2 cups couscous 1 cup pearled barley Total points: 25

As you can see, I wasn't exactly starving there. I just changed my food choices and watched my portion sizes a bit. I was never really hungry for long. When I was hungry, I ate. I averaged 23.5 points per day and had I been on the flex plan, I would have been required to eat between 20 and 26 points. So, they really are equivalent from a caloric point of view. As to my flex points, I used up a bunch of them as I made mistakes in figuring out what to eat and not to eat. All my pudding during the first week cost me because it wasn't fat free like I thought when I bought it. I got the pre-made. Now I buy the instant and make it with skim milk. I also used some points on my Applebees trips. They don't have those rated or the core plan, so I had to deduct the full point cost, even though the vegetables and fish were core. It was just the rice and the oils that I needed to deduct. But I've adopted a generally stricter posture to be on the safe side.

The other major component is the meetings. Here you can get questions answered about what is core and what isn't. Members share foods they have found that have reasonable point costs with each other. We discuss strategies for difficult situations. And we congratulate people who have reached various goals. You get a star for every 5 lbs and a key chain when you lose 10% of your starting weight. Not sure what you get when meet your goal. But once you make goal and maintain it for a couple months, then you are a life member. You get to come for free to the meetings and only have to weigh in once a month.

If you are looking to lose weight, I highly recommend Weight Watchers.

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Infertility Treatment Legislation

I'm about to take a very unliberal stance on an issue. I'm not doing it to show I'm not a liberal or anything. It merely reflects my worldview, which defies a simple one word label. The state of Connecticut has enacted some interesting legislation regarding insurance companies and infertility...

The thrust of the article is that the state is going to require health insurers to cover many types of infertility treatments. The catch is that the requirement will come with an age limit. They won't have to pay for treatments from women over the age of 40.

I have no problem with the restricition. While I feel for the would-be parents who will be denied the opportunity to have a child because of this, I can find no legal reason why coverage should be required at all. Where in the Constitution does it say that we have the right to have babies no matter how much it costs to create them? The success rate of fertility treatments starts to fall off after age 35. The success rate for women over 42 is down around 4%. Is it fair and just to require the costs of this be spread out to all the other people on that insurance? Because that's what insurance companies do. They raise rates until they have optimal profit.

I do agree that if people want to have a child so badly that they are willing to go through reproduction assistance, being denied would have detrimental emotional health effects. And, as reproduction is a natural and healthy part of humanity, if something were not working, it could reasonably be construed as a health issue that needed fixing. So, I don't think it is outlandish to ask health insurance to cover these things. But, these health "problems" are not so grave that they need to be resolved regardless of chance of success or cost.

And don't jump in with arguments like, "Well, they support Viagra! They should support this!". That's not truly relevant to my point. If you are making the case that their policies are skewed against women, you may be right. After all, there is no age restriction for the man in the legislation. But again, you can point back to the point that an erection is a normal, healthy thing and if a man is incapable, he has a health problem. Health insurance ought to consider fixig the problem. The problem is that erectile dysfunction has an easy and comparatively inexpensive fix. So the lower cost is used to justify the coverage. Persoanlly, I think if Bob Dole can't get it up, he should go out and buy his own damn Viagra. Let the insurance company shift that money to something useful. I am opposed to the idea of health insurance covering Viagra across the board when they don't cover what I consider to be more important things.

What's more important than Viagra? Or in-vitro? How about contraception? I think there are far more health issues associated with unwanted pregnancies than either of the other issues combined. The cost to resolve would be comparatively low. Yet many health insurance companies do not coverage the more common forms of contraception. Hearing aids is another good one. Insurance companies won't pay for hearing aids unless they are forced. What's more important? A long shot pregnancy or a two year old boy being able to hear at a time when he is doing most of his cognitive development.

I think people expect health insurance to be the cure all, pardon the pun. If it can be done by a doctor or in a hospital, then by gosh, my insurance should cover it! The problem is, if everyone was paying $5000 a year and getting $15000 worth of services, the whole system would collapse.

So, what am I missing here? Other than the fact that studies should be done on how the age of the man and health of his sperm affects the treatment, what exactly is wrong with this policy?

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Viva Mexico!

So, we are leaving for San Felipe in less than 4 hours. The car is almost loaded. Who needs sleep. Sleep is for the weak. Until we get there. Then, sleep is for me! ;-) I have some Terry Pratchett for the drive, some good healthy snacks, and mucho agua. I don't have that slick feature that lets posts trickle out at predetermined times. So, I'm going to publish this article to tell you there really aren't going to be any posts until I get back on Sunday. I'm also going to throw another post in there that will be post dated. You'll see it before it is supposed to be there, but no la importa.

Repeat after me. Dos cervezas, por favor. No mas tequila. Donde esta el bano? Digame! See you on the flip side!

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How did I miss this?

This week is Banned Books Week! This is the week when people are encouraged to go to the library (or bookstore) and read something that some narrow minded person doesn't want you to read. I was surprised to find some books on the 100 Most Challenged Books list. Harry Potter is there, of course, as are many books dealing with magic. Many books dealing with homosexuality in a positive way are likewise condemned. And people apparently don't want you to read stories about racism either. But did you know that Judy Blume has two entries on the list? "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" by Mark Twain and "The Giver" by Lois Lowry are also on there. We listened to a wonderful unabridged recording of "The Give" narrated by Ron Rifkin. I can't see why anyone would want this banned. I wish they listed reasons for the challenge next to each book on the list. That way I could know to which evils I was exposing myself to. Come on, everyone! Think a banned thought today!

Hat tip to Anne-Marie for the heads up.

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Intelligent Design?

Ok. No disrespect to those I know who take the Bible lierally, but this is getting ridiculous. Penguin migration and mating behavior is proof of an Intelligent Designer? Here is the money quote:

"To think that natural selection or even the penguins themselves could come up with the idea to migrate miles and miles multiple times each year without their partner or their offspring is a bit insulting to my intellect. How great is our God!"

I'm tempted to lay out a plausible evolutionary premise as to how the penuin behaviopr could have evolved over time, but since these people don't believe in evolution, I want to take a different tack with the quote. I do like the quote ending. Kind of makes you wonder how ID can be considered science...

But if you want insulting to someone's intellect, how's this? Let's look at the kakpo, shall we. Anyone who has read Douglas Adams' excellent Last Chance to See knows that the kakapo is an endangererd, flightless parrot. They lived on New Zealand and had no mammalian predators. As such, they lost the need to fly and eventually lost the ability. If you don't believe in evolution, then we can just say they were always flightless. when the Europeans colonized, they brought predators, such as the domestic cat, with them. This nearly killed off all the kakapo. This was made even easier by the fact that kakpo have a distinctively pleasant aroma that has helped predators find them easily.

So, this strikes me as proof that they were NOT intelligently designed. After all, what can be the purpose of placing a species of birds that is tailor made to be hunted and killed on an island with no predators and then allowing predators to later come there and all but wipe them out. I know, I know. His ineffable wisdom. I can't possibly understand. But if he wanted them to survive, there had to be a better design. And if he wanted them to be wiped out, why did he need to have predators do it. I know! He put them there as a food supply for when the predatory animals arrived!

Wait. If that were true, then the kakpo would breed easily and plentifully to ensure the food supply is not lost. After all, if an animal got used to eating easy meals, they might lose some of their hunting skills. Then when the easy game was gone, they would starve. So, surely the kakapo must breed like rabbits, no? No. Males attaract females by use of a low frequency booming sound that carries for miles. You know, kind of like a subwoofer. So, it is hard to pinpoint where the sound is coming from. Assuming they get together and mate, they will produce one to four eggs. They won't do it again for another three to five years. Additionally, the males are not old enough to reproduce until around age five and the females around age ten. Sounds to me like the food supply is not even going to reach equilibrium. So, that's not intelligent.

I know! It's a test. We have to save these, the weakest amongst us, to demonstrate our compassion to the world around us. Yeah. A nice, scientifically provable test.

Why do I want it to be provable? Because you want it taught in my child's science class.

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Noooooooooo!

East	W	L	Pct	GB
NY Yankees	88	63	.583	--
Boston	88	64	.579	0.5
Toronto	74	77	.490	14.0
Baltimore	70	81	.464	18.0
Tampa Bay	64	89	.418	25.0

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Gas Gouging

So, gas climbed by almost a dollar a gallon in the wake of Katrina. Then they realized that the damage to the fuel supply was not as great as originally predicted. It has come back down by less than a quarter. Now Rita is on the way, and they are talking about raising prices again. Lost in all this is the fact that they raised prices earlier in the summer in anticipation of a bad hurricane season. So apparently, the strategy is to raise prices as a precaution before a disaster occurs. Then, if a disaster actually does occur, raise them again in response. If the The Lowell Sun is to be believed, it's not the station owner that is the cause. The costs are being handed down from on high and accusations of price gouging are running rampant. The producers are taking their share, but so are the credit card companies. They have upped their cut per gallon. Fortunately, the President has said he won't tolerate it, so I'm sure we'll all be seeing refunds soon.

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Tarot Meme

Hat tip to Jocelyn

Quiz created by Polly Snodgrass.

FIRE OF AIR. Serious and intellectual, you live in the world of thoughts and ideas. You grasp things quicker than most and are a master debater. Your verbal skills are unparalleled; your conversations are stimulating. You are concerned with issues of justice. Your standards are high, so there is danger of becoming too moralistic. While truth is generally an honorable thing, chew on this: "Why Yes Herr Strudel, my neighbor IS hiding Jews in his basement!" You're Christopher Walken in Suicide Kings.

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Hell Meme

Picked this one up from James. It's pretty entertaining.

Bill Gates, Objectivists, General asshats
Circle I Limbo

Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies, Militant Vegans, Libertarians
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Oakland Raider Fans, Leonardo DiCaprio
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Compassionate conservatives, DMV Employees
Circle IV Rolling Weights

The Pope
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Racists, Creationists, Rednecks
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Republicans, Clarence Thomas, Antonin Scalia, Scientologists
Circle VII Burning Sands

Qusay Hussein, The New York Yankees, Uday Hussein, Southerners who say they aren't racist even though everyone knows they are
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Saddam Hussein, NAMBLA Members, George Bush, Osama bin Laden
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

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A Funny Thing...

Well, the show is going into closing weekend and I can modestly say that it has been a success. The audiences were a little lower than I would have liked, but that is partially due to it being an outdoor production. Because of this, we don't have a matinee on Sunday. This is traditionally when our older viewers come to see us. A lot of them don't like to go out at night, and all our shows are at night, for lighting purposes. Regardless, we've been putting out great energy every show and have avoided any major stumbles. The cast is top notch and we have a lot of fun together.

The reviewers like us, too. Here are three that I have seen.

• The North County Times
• The Pomerado Newspaper Group
• The Kids section of the San Diego Union Tribune

The Pomerado was probably the most accurate review with the kids pages coming in second. The North County mention came in third. The Pomerado reviewer picks my favorite scene in the show as hers:

Undoubtedly the best scene in the play is when Pseudolus and Hysterium conspired to trick Miles Gloriosus by disguising Hysterium as a woman, and a dead woman at that. That scene alone is worth the price of admission.

I diss the NCTimes review mostly because I'm not sure what she was watching. She claims Bruce's portrayal of Pseudolous was a refreshing change from other productions where he is played "over the top". Bruce was very over the top and very funny. He had frequent ad-libs and played to the audience often. she was right that his performance was good, but she cites all the wrong reasons. According to the review, Mia aka the young virgin Philia, is "sweet and youthful". Duh! She's fifteen. It's hard not to be youthful at that age. My favorite line of the review, though, is the commentary on Lycus, as played by my friend Craig. According to her, he "plays the flesh-peddler Marcus Lycus as a flamboyantly gay Gypsy". I guess you'll have to see for yourself whether or not that is true. His costume is flamboyant. But a gay gypsy?

We had a lot of fun with that review during the pickup rehearsal. There's an exchange between Pseudolous and Lycus. Lycus says, "You, Pseudolous, are a true friend." Pseudolous is supposed to respond with, "And you, Lycus, are a gentleman and a procurer". This being pickup rehearsal, we take a few liberties. "You, Lycus, are a flamboyantly gay gypsy". Raucous laughter was had by all. But Lycus got the last laugh. During the son "Everybody Ought to Have a Maid", he enters during the final encore and joins in. He came out in a sequined robe with a hot pink belt. The rest of us weer laughing so hard, we could barely sing or dance.

To sum up: an enjoyable run that will go down in the annals as one of my favorite shows to have been a part of.

Up next for me is a dinner theater comedy called "Haunting Melody" in which I play a security guard who can only speak in fortunes.

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There's a Perfecly Good Explanation, Officer...

The show is going quite well. I have not yet posted about it, but we are doing well, getting good reviews, and having a good time. This is a first for my wife. She's never been in a show before. It's been good for her self-confidence. And I don't think she has regretted any part of the process. Well, any part except for last Friday...

The problem wasn't really during the show, so much as after. Through a series of events, we were all a little tense and on edge. These inlcuded rehearsal for a small park performance that we were doing for the theater, me being in a bad mood because I had to eat my dinner cold, and Josh having accidents in both sets of clean clothes we had for him.

So, the show went well and we were hanging out chatting until Josh had his second accident. This was the kind that required wipes to resolve. I got him cleaned up and deposited him in my wife's car. Meanwhile, she was having a discussion with my daughter about the Saturday park performance revolving around Maya's sudden crisis of confidence. End result, Maya stormed out of the car, Josh was buckled into the car and covered with a blanket, and my wife drove off in a huff without so much as a "see you at home".

I got Maya into my car and we drove off. As we drove, we noticed a police car over holding some Fiday night delinquent over at the side of the road. We passed it by, me giving Maya a talk on safe driving all the while. Then we saw the 'delinquent'. It was my wife! We kept driving as there was nothing we could really do there and I didn't want to startle to officer or put him on edge. I thought that might somehow make the situation worse.

Just as I was turning onto our street, my cell phone rang. It was my wife. She wanted to know where I was. Apparently, she had expected me to stop and was upset that I had driven past. I told her I didn't expect her to be there long. She'd either get a ticket or a warning for whatever it was she did and be on her way. I didn't want to set the officer on edge. She couldn't see where I was coming from and told me to double back. She had warned the officer that I might stop.

"So, what did he bag you for?" I asked as I pulled into a parking lot and began my U-turn. She replied somewhat matter-of-factly, "Suspicion of drunk driving." That caught me off guard. "What?!?" I blurted out. She said, "I guess I changed lanes back before the light without signaling and he felt it was more of an erratic swerve." Lovely. "So, after talking to you, he still thought you might be drunk? I mean he's had you there long enough to make up his mind, hasn't he?" She agree that under normal circumstances, I'd have a valid point, but "there's also the issue of my makeup," she pointed out. I had forgotten that. In the show, she plays a courtesan, a woman for permanent sale. Because of this, she had to go heavy on the makeup. So, we have a swerving, heavily made up woman out late on a Friday night. "Well, there's no law against wearing makeup", I countered, even though I really didn't need to convince her. She told me she had been explaining the show and her role to him and aws probably on the verge of getting a warning when the officer glanced in the back seat. Joshua had fallen asleep and shifted, kicking off the blanket. The officer shined his flashlight in the back. "Why is the boy naked?" Oh, boy. Swerving, made up, and transporting a naked child. He had retreated to his squad car to think it over giving her time to call and summon me back to the scene.

Maya, in the meantime, had gotten upset. "What if they take Mommy to jail? What if they take our car away?!?" I reassured he that everything would be fine. "You don't know that! It's al my fault. I should never have been so difficult. She was probably thinking too much when she drove!" "It's not your fault, and she is not getting arrested," I reiterated. "Mommy is a big girl. If she was too angry to drive effectively, she would have told me and we would have dealt with it."

We were almost back to the 'scene of the crime' when she called me back. "He's letting me go." I was curious. "Warning or ticket", I asked. "Warning," she sighed, "turn around again and head home. See you there."

We all made it home without incident and Maya calmed down a bit. It's still on her mind, though. Since the event, we have had to endure such questions as: "What will happen to Josh and me if you both go to jail."

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Gotta Love FEMA

I was listening to NPR on the work this morning and managed to hear another FEMA official say something stupid. I didn't catch his name, but he seems destined for greatness in this administration. He didn't talk for long, but he managed to put his foot in it. He was being asked about the people's frustration levels at not getting aid fast enough. "The people just need to be patient. They have to follow the process. We're in the same boat as they are." He was alluding to the communications challenges. But seriously. The same boat? You don't have a home to go to? You hardly have any food? You've lost everything and may be missing family members? You don't have a job? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you FEMA. Feigned Emotion, Moronic A**holes.

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Disgusted

So, it didn't take anywhere near as long as I expected for me to hear Katrina "humor". It was on a radio show called Mancow's Morning Madhouse. Think poor-man's Howard Stern. It's bad enough that this piece of trash replaced an entertaining morning sports show that I used to enjoy on my drive to work. The station is sometimes on in the morning because I check the scores on my ride home in the evening and forget to switch it back to NPR. Tuesday morning it came on, and before I could change the station, I heard them doing a "bit". It was a fake commercial advertising "Girls Gone Wild - New Orleans". Apparently, it's funny to juxtapose clips of real women complaining on the verge of tears that they have no food or water for themselves or their children with a studio guy doing an exaggerated black man's voice saying "Take off your shirt." Then another real clip. "That's no reason you can't take off your shirt" Another clip. "But you still should take off your shirt!". If you et a chance, go to their website and let them know what worthless human beings they are.

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Some Bush Administration Shots

Just a few amusing things that came up yesterday during our drive to and from lunch as we discussed the mismanagement and incompetence of the administration.

"You know, this is the first time in Dubya's presidency that Democrats and Republicans are all on the same message: We need more troops in the Gulf."

"It's not the President's fault. He can't really do anything to help. His skills are not in the area of flood management. He's more of a fund raiser. Now, if it was a lood of hundreds, he'd be right there."

Finally, I turned to Jim, who was driving. Jim is ex-Navy and a conservative, like much of the population of San Diego County. The rest of us in the car have more liberal views. I asked him, "Jim, what's it like to be in San Diego and yet be stuck in a car full of liberals." He didn't miss a beat. "Let's me concentrate on my driving."

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Acetone in gas?

Gas prices are soaring, but I'm sure they are legitimate as President Bust said he would "not tolerate price gouging" at the pump. My wife and I both have Toyota Camrys, which are both better than trucks when it comes to MPG, but not by a whole lot. I thought the Camry was supposed to get great milage. Turns out, for mine, the combined mileage is 26 MPG. I'm only seeing 23. So, clearly, my car needs some tuning, but it isn't going to get much better. And I'm about a year away from a Prius or Insight or similar purchase. So, I've been searching for anything I can do that might improve my fuel economy. That's when I discovered this. It's a wiki on using acetone as a fuel additive. As near as I can tell, if you find the right concentration for your car, you can squeeze an average of 20% more out of your fuel economy. For me that translates to 4.6 MPG or about 70 miles per tank or 2-3 days more per tank. I'm going to give it a try and report my results later.

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And Now, the Katrina Rants...

Note: The first paragraph has been changed slightly to reflect the tone of the rest of the piece. Originally, I said there was plenty of blame to go around, and that is true. But that was more a device to get the links included in something other than a list fashion. James called it being "balanced". I call it "not proofreading".

The finger pointing from Katrina is now under way in earnest. Plenty of people are blaming the president, and justifiably so. The President's people are trying to shift the blame to the local goverment, which is their usual MO. There's also justified righteous indignation over some of the racism uncovered in dealing with the tragedy. Over at Legal Fiction, Publius contends that it is not so much racism, as it is post-racism, an interesting term he has coined to explain a very real phenomenon. So, what do I think? Glad you asked...

First off, I think that the Bush bashers have some legitimate points. Do I think the whole thing was his fault? Of course not. But I am tired of his faithful automatically dismissing the criticism. I think it's a little too easy to just dismiss the criticism as Monday morning quarterbacking. There were plenty of screwups along the way that did not have to presuppose a catastrophic flood on top of the hurricane. And this list does not include any of the history running up to hurricane season. All my major complaints deal with the preiod surrounding the storm itself.

Manpower - It was clear early on that the disaster was beyond the scope of the local emergency plan. Part of the problem was that they didn't have the personnel to do all that needed to be done. That is where FEMA is supposed to come in. FEMA should have sent people down there ahead of time. Had them stationed within striking distance ready to mobilize the moment the storm passed. There were buses that could have been used to evacuate, if only someone was there to drive them. Order could have been kept if there were enough uniformed personnel to stand guard and respond to crises. New Orleans already had all available police and rescue out working.

Supplies - So, we knew a Category 4 hurricane is going to hit New Orleans. We may have only known for 24 hours, but we knew. THAT was the time to start mobilizing FEMA resources. If we had supplies in place within short distances of the storm as well as the means to deliver them, help would have gotten there much more quickly. It's true that if we had done that and the storm had weakened, we would have wasted a couple million dollars. But that is a part of what risk mitigation is all about. It's like buying insurance. You buy it and are covered if something really bad happens. If it doesn't, the money is just spent.

Leadership - This is the big one. This is the one thing that a President can be personally responsible for. A strong leader inspires confidence and instills hope. While the storm raged, Bush was beating the war drum in San Diego and playing guitar while people were drenched, drowning, and desperate on the Gulf Coast. Not exactly an image that inspires conidence to the rest of the county. On his way back, he dipped below the clouds on Air Force One to survey the damage. When he finally set foot on the ground, days later, he wasn't anywhere near the most squalid conditions or the most desperate people. His "team" wasn't doing much better. Condi was shoe shopping and going to a Broadway show. Cheney was nowhere to be seen. And Mike Brown, the underqualified head of FEMA was talking on NPR, denying that the conditions being reported at the convention center were true. He actually tried to slur the credibility of the reporters circulating these rumors. It was then pointed out to him that an NPR reporter was on the scene and confirming the stories. All he could say was that he would have to look into it. After the report was over, NPR read a follow-up statement from Brown acknowledging that conditions may be worse than he was led to believe, but that they were making every effort to help the afflicted. He didn't even have the decency to come on the air and say he was wrong.

What emerged was a picture of arrogance and indifference by those in charge to the trapped, dead, and dying. At a time when people needed to know that their government was there, it wasn't.

But not everything that happened was bad. Look at the positives, ew though they may be. The American people came through in ways that put most of our leaders to shame. Texas, a state I normally have disdain for, came through in a huge way. They took on refugees. (And that is what these people are. Evacuees can go back. Most of these people can't.) They took on burdens to their infrastructure, finding jobs and education for the victims. Not long thereafter, other states followed suit. There even are refugees being housed here in an Diego. Everywhere you look, drives for supplies are being held. People are flocking to the Gulf Coast to give, not only money, but time. We are being reminded that red or blue, most of the American people are decent people who care about each other. It's just are leaders and some vocal minorities who are buttwads.

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Katrina

Before I post anything else, I really feel like I need to comment on Katrina. I've been collecting my thoughts on it. I've read several good posts on the subject. Some have been political and some have not. I agree with Steve that this was far worse than 9/11. September 11th was tragic and shocking in the same way as Pearl Harbor, but the loss of life and property paled in comparison to tragedies such as Katrina and the tsunami. We could focus our anger after 9/11. Someone was responsible. With Katrina, the impact is far worse and farther reaching. We can't attack anyone to feel like we've avenged our fallen. We are the culprits through negligence, ignorance, and incompetence. So, instead of feeling united and motivated to great acts, we are ashamed, disgusted, and saddened. Those are not good building blocks for recovering from a tragedy.

My heart goes out to the victims, surviving and not. More importantly, my money goes out as well. Cymer is doing a dollar for dollar match for all employee contributions to the Red Cross. That will help in the long run. In the short run, they need supplies. There is a volunteer organization on the ground there that is not governed by the red-tape as the governmental agencies. If you send them supplies, they will distribute them. If you send them money, they will buy supplies locally. The address for supplies is

Volunteer Kitchen, Food Bank and Distribution Center
Pine View Middle School
1115 West 28th Avenue Covington, LA. 70434

you can make monetary donations at the Veterans for Peace website.

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They Don't Call it Drama for Nothing

As you may have read in an earlier post, "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum" opened this past weekend. The show has had many challenges during the rehearsal period. Two of the main characters were away for vacations during this time, and not at the same time. I'd estimate a two to three week stretch where we didn't have major players at rehearsal. This makes the staging, reacting, singing, AND dancing difficult. But we overcame it. We also had a hard time holding on to Proteans and Courtesans. There are three Proteans. We started with only two, made it up to four, and ended with three. However, only one of the three was someone we started with. But we overcame it. There are six Courtesans. We started with three Courtesans. We got up to four. Then we lost one. We went on a spree and made it up to six. We lost one of those about two weeks before the show went up. But we managed to find a replacement. We overcame it. We didn't have any costumes until the week before the show due to a variety of reasons. We even overcame that. Several people pulled together and made some pretty impressive costumes on short notice.

So, we entered production week on somewhat shaky ground, but confident that with time on the set, we could iron out the kinks. The set took all day Saturday to assemble. There were some details that still needed finishing, but they were manageable over the course of the week. Our artist needed to come in and do some painting. (She's fabulous, by the way. Wait till you see the pictures!) So far, so good.

Then we hit tech on Sunday. Our lighting designer came in and started to focus the lights and catalog how the dimmer packs were arrayed. That's when we discovered that about a third of the front lights were on a circuit that kept blowing. We needed to recable several lights. We had slots for them as we were removing some of the back lights. But we needed a lift to do it. And the lift wasn't there. This also meant we couldn't focus the lights. So, we did what we could and pushed the rest off until Monday.

Monday was supposed to be our cue-to-cue rehearsal. That's when we don't really do the whole show. We skip from technical cue to technical cue so that the lighting and sound operators can make smooth transitions. Since the lights weren't focused, and in some cases wired, we couldn't do that. So, they did the focusing and wiring while we did a speed through. A speed through is where you just do all the lines with no emotion or pause. You just run through the show as quickly as you can to make sure everyone is up on their lines. We skipped all the songs during the speed through. Then when the lights were good, we ran through selected pieces of the show that needed work. We also all took turns with the orchestra. We hadn't run any of the songs with a full Orchestra before. By the end of Monday, we at least felt good about the music, lights, and set. Still no full run through, though.

Tuesday night, we were set for a full run through. The set was mostly done. The lights and sound were ready. We even had most of our costumes and props. Things started off reasonably well. There were more fumbles and mistakes then you want to see that close to opening, but nothing that couldn't be overcome. Well, almost nothing. The Courtesans made their entrances and did their solo dances at the appointed time. One of the Courtesans was still shaky on her dance. But she had been working at it. They decided to help her by shortening her dance. There were two problems there. Her music did not lend itself well to being cut in half. Her friend's music did. So, they cut that and swapped the accompaniment. That led to the second problem. Nobody told her it changed. So, she found out that she had somewhat different music when she went out to do her bit. This flustered her and she messed up her dance again. She was angry and embarrassed. So, when the scene was over, she told the other Courtesans that she quit and headed for her car. There followed a frantic exchange where the other Courtesans, including the one that rode in with her, tried to convince her to stay. In the end, she agreed to hang out and wait or Richard, he director, to chat with her at intermission. We arranged for a ride home for the friend, but her friend went to keep her company in the car. She swore she was not leaving. In retrospect, I don't think any of us was surprised that both the car and the girls were gone by intermission.

So, now we were out two dancers seventy-two hours before curtain. No problem. We'll just get more. Our assistant choreographer stepped in to ake one of the roles. She never auditioned because she was going to be away Labor Day weekend. Still, better to only need a replacement for one weekend than two. We had her in costume by the beginning of the second act. When they weren't on stage, the Courtesans began an intensive teaching session with her for cues and timing. We still needed to find one more. Imagine my surprise when I sat down for notes to find a girl come walking out from backstage in a glittering bikini top and a skirt made of scarves. She looked familiar, but I couldn't place her. Then, it hit me. It was Nick's sister! Nick is playing Hero. He's too young to drive, so she had just stopped in to pick him up. And she left as a member of the cast. Of course, she had just started a job in the mall and with school startin was only scheduled for weekends. She had to go in and ask her boss to give her only day shifts so she could bail us out. But she did it and we had overcome once again. We'd have some intensive practices Wednesday to get our newest cast members up to speed, but on we would roll.

Wednesday was the vandalism I posted previously under the heading "Why Do Some People Suck?". The police came and checked it out, but the damage was not significant enough from a monetary perspective for them to try to gather any evidence. Where is CSI when you need them? I bet they could have solved it in a single episode. Plus I would have gotten fingerprinted and questioned! Repairs would have to wait until Thursday. We had a rehearsal to do on most of a set.

Thursday night. Final dress. The set was back together. We had all the roles filled. We had all our costumes, props, and makeup. We were ready to roll. We even started pretty close to on time. It wasn't a flawless rehearsal, but it was going pretty well. At least until the Fire Department showed up. Captain Roberto had come over from the station in the park to see about keeping the noise down. Apparently, they were trying to sleep at 9 p.m. on a Thursday and we were impeding that. Richard attempted to have a cordial conversation with him. After all, this was our last rehearsal before the show. There would be no more week nights where this would happen. Captain Roberto would have none of it. He stormed off and we resumed rehearsing. At least until the Police arrived. The Police had received a call from the Fire Department complaining that we were violating our permit. As we didn't have a copy of the permit with us, we had to take their word for it in spite of their weird assertion that our permit only allowed us to rehearse until 9pm. This assertion was weird because we couldn't start rehearsing until it was dark, which meant 8pm. Why would we get a permit for one hour of rehearsal time for a show that runs two hours?

Well, we tried negotiating with the Police. We used the same arguments as we did with the Fire Department. The officers were unsympathetic. "Once someone calls us, we have to shut you down." They claimed that the hardline stance had nothing to do with the fact that the firefighters were the ones who called. "We suggest you shut it down. If we get called again, we have to issue you a citation." That didn't sound too bad. "How much is the fine?", the director asked. The Police could see where this was going and made an addendum. "We could also revoke your permit."

Well, this went on for an hour and it got to the point where it was not worthwhile to try to run the second half of the show. So, we bagged rehearsal, cursed Captain Roberto, and decided to try to run some stuff before curtain on Friday. "On more thing," the Police added, "your permit is only good until 10 p.m. on weekends." That was more problematic. The show was almost two hours without intermission, and there would certainly be an intermission. More adversity to overcome.

Although there were some creative suggestions like having someone set a fire on the other side of town at 9:45 so they would be too busy to complain, we opted for a more legal solution. The theater's artistic director was able to get the end time pushed to 10:30. Even if we were to run over a little, by the time the Police arrived, there would be nothing to bust us for.

Friday was opening night. What would today hold? We still needed to run the chase scene in act 2 a couple of times and go over the courtesan parts with the new courtesans. Oh. And deal with the flooding. Flooding? Yup. Allegedly, a water main broke and flooded the audience area and the orchestra pit. I think the firefighters did it. But the water got cleared and there was enough blazing heat that the ground was dry by the time the house opened. We did our rehearsing without costumes and just about finished by the time the audience arrived.

So, just a bit of adversity in production week. Next time I'll tell you how the performances went.

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I did it...

I finally broke down and admitted that my own attempts at weight loss were not working. I managed to get to a low of 201 during the intensive dance portion of "Pajama Game", but am back up to 206. I need help and I know I need it. So, I joined Weight Watchers. I attended my first meeting this evening and got my materials. Tomorrow I start logging in my journal. I expected the system to be much more restrictive. The plan I am on allows me to eat to satiation from any of my core foods. I'm not going to publish a list or anything, but suffice it to say that the core foods are things you would expect to see on a healthy diet. Then you have a set number of extra "points" that you can split up however you want over the course of the week. If you want to eat them all at, say, The Cheesecake Factory, you can. If you want to use a few a day for a treat, you can do that, too. The idea is to retrain your body and mind to eat the right things and for the right reasons. I pre-paid for 12 sessions. I'll let you know how it goes. Wish me luck!

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I may finally have a reason to get a gaming console

Check out this story: Sony takes video games out of couch-potato realm. Perhaps now my wife will deem a console system worthwhile. They are coming out with a new PS2 accessory that will teach yoga, tai chi, kick boxing and more. You'll be able to opt for customized workouts on multiple skill levels or undergo a 12 week program. I'll have to see some reviews when it comes out before I decide. After all, I'll still need to get the PS2 to go along with it.

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Infiltration and Exploration!

Sweet! I'm a dual purpose cyborg. What about you? Thanks to Journeying Artificial Machine Engineered for Sabotage for the link.

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Why Do Some People Suck?

So, for those who haven't heard, I am playing Hysterium in a production of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (pictures available soon). We open tomorrow night. We are part of the Plays in the Park series. That means we are performing in an outdoor amphitheater. It also means that our set is outside and accessible to anyone that climbs over the fence. Yesterday, between 2 and 5 p.m. some walking piles of excrement decided that they might feel better about themselves if they destroyed the Roman Columns holding up the porch roof on the main house and watched the roof come crashing down. So, with two days to open, we now have some major set repair to do. My first post back in a while and it's an angry one. Grrrrrrrr!

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Return of the Native

That's right, I'm coming back to Massachusetts for a visit. Maya Josh and I will be making the trek back in a week an a half. We arrive in Providence at 11:30 on 8/11. We head back to Cali on the 18th. In between we are going to do some hard core visiting. Wanna see us? :) The Saturday and Sunday are unfortunately spoken for already. My nephew, John is turning 1 on Saturday, and we are having a birthday party for Maya with her back East friends on Sunday. We're trying our best to get in touch with folks, but feel free to get in touch with me as well.

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Renaissance Music

So, I've been getting into the frame of mind for the Ren Faire this coming weekend. I'll be portraying the Sheriff again and Maya will be playing my kleptomaniac daughter. I've been listening to streaming ren music on http://www.renradio.com. It's a mixed bag, but by and large, I've been enjoying it. Anyway, many of you know my fondness for clever lyrics. Well, I heard a song called Caviar by In Our Cups. The harmonies are very good, but it was the chorus that amused me:

Caviar comes from a virgin sturgeon
Virgin sturgeon's a very good fish
No good sturgeon wants to be a virigin
That's why caviar's a very rare dish!

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Why There Ought To Be A License to Have Kids...

Ok. I don't really think there ought to be a license. If there was, interest groups would twist it to their own ends and the wrong people would still procreate. I just wish there was a way to stop people like HER from having them. This genius left her 4-year old boy by the side of the beltway because she was mad at him. Sorry if I'm reacting so strongly, but I have a 4-year old boy and I know the area where she left him. He's lucky to be alive. So is she.

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A Leg Up For The Struggling Oil Industry

So, I saw a report on Reuters today that man of the people Tom Delay has added a provision to an energy bill already bloated with giveaways to energy industry insiders. The additional provision gives 1.5 BILLION dollars to an energy consortium that happens to be in his home district. Ok, it doesn't explicitly give it to them. It just directs the DoE to contract with a consortium with those funds. Wonder how many other energy consortiums there are. This one includes Halliburton. The money is for the ever imprtant deep sea oil and gas drilling. How much of that money do you think will end up back in Delay's campaign coffers?

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That's Frickin' Annoying

I needed a little snack to get me through the rest of the day. I decided to suck it up and spend the 75 cents on a 1.25 ounce bag of pretzels. The only problem? I didn't have any change or any ones. Lucky for me, the machine takes five dollar bills. And it does, too. It even gives you five dollars credit. That means $4.25 in change coming my way. Oh well, maybe I'll land one of the state quarters Maya still needs. Boop boop boop. Here come the pretzels. And here comes my change. What the crap?!? The credit is decreasing in five cent increments. Better look in the change tray. Sure enough, there's a HUGE pile of nickels there. Plink plink plink plink plink plink... (seventy-five plinks later)... plink plink plink! Now the door to the change slot barely opens.

When all was said and done, I had to get a cup to collect my slot machine winnings...er...change. I don't think my pockets are weight rated for 85 nickels either. So, they'll have to become my snack fund. Grrrrrrrr.

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The Aristocrats?

There is a movie coming out soon that has piqued my interest. It's called The Aristocrats It was created by Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza and has caused quite a stir. Penn describes the film thusly, "no nudity, no violence, and unspeakable obscenity"...

The premise of the movie is the world's dirtiest joke. The joke has been a game of one-upmanship for comics for decades. It's origins are in vaudeville. The joke itself is not particularly funny. It is in the telling that the humor is supposed to come out. I think this is one of the reasons I am intrigued by the movie. I know the framework of the joke and can't see how it could be funny. And yet, if you look at the cast of the film, I can't see most of these people *not* being funny: Robin Williams, Eric Idle, Penn and Teller, Steven Wright, Jon Stewart. The list goes on. There are also some surprises on the list, too. Bob Saget? Carrie Fisher? The Smothers Brothers?!? Telling the world's dirtiest joke? How can I not watch?

The template of the joke goes like this:

A talent agent is sitting in his office. The door bursts open and in walks a family, a father, mother, son, daughter, and a dog.

"We have a great act and we think you ought to represent us," says the father.

The agent shakes his head and spreads his hands apologetically. "I don't do family acts. Too cute."

"Please," the mother begs. "Once you see the act you are going to want to represent us. I know it!"

"All right. I can spare you five minutes," says the agent, knowing full well that nothing they do could be of interest to him.

"Great!" say the family as they spring into action.

*** What follows is the individualized part of the joke. Each comic spins a tale describe offensive, obscene, and disgusting acts performed by and among the family members and their pet. The only boundaries are those imposed by the teller on him or herself. The agent is of course shocked. The act ends. ***

The agent sat stunned for a long while, his cigarrette hanging limply from his mouth. Finally he exhaled and spoke. "That's quite an act. What do you call it?"

"The Aristocrats!"

Ha-ha.

So, you can see why my feelings are mixed. But the movie is also supposed to talk about the comic mind and the comic process as well as the limits and freedom in speech, which is certainly an interesting topic nowadays. I think some of my discomfort and even revulsion comes from this site which is devoted to the joke itself. WARNING: The narratives linked to on this page are probably the viliest filth I have ever seen. Seriously. You'll need a shower if you read more than one. People are invited to submit their own versions here. This site suggests one of a few possibilities to me. One, this joke is not for me as none of the versions I read provoked so much as a smirk from me. Two, the people rating these jokes are missing the point and are voting based solely on who can be more obscene. Or, three, the humor is in the telling and it does not translate well to paper. I think it is likely a combination of the three. However, all this does is pique my curiosity.

I told my wife about the movie and the basic joke. Her first instinct was that she had no interest. I said, "Aren't you the least bit curious to see Bob Saget and Phyllis Diller tell this joke? Howie Mandel?" Her expression softened. "All right. You've got a point."

Then you add the controversy in and that becomes another factor. AMC theaters, the #2 chain in the country, has refused to carry the film. AMC is trying to downplay it, but the decision is puzzling. According to the CNN article, their justification of shying away from unrated or NC-17 content doesn't hold up to history. They've aired the NC-17 version of "Inside Deep Throat" and the unrated version of "Passion of the Christ". I resent the theater making such an arbitrary decision. I may be jumping to conclusions, but as the theater is not saying much in its defense, I have littel choice. This makes me want to support the filmmakers more.

Provenza and Jillette, for their part, are unconcerned about the flap. They aren't trying to ambush anybody with the film. They want people to know up front what they are getting.

Frank Rich may have the best explanation of the value of the joke and the movie. And in light of the controversy, he may be spot on. It may not be funny, but it has value.

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The Perfect Storm - Software Style

Apologies for the dearth of new material. We are in the midst of a unique confluence of events here at work. We have three software releases going out at the same time. Normally, we would have only one due at a time. One of the products (the one I am working on) is a brand new product. My boss has been on vacation the last two weeks. It was planned for a long time and he was not changing it just because all the scheduled slipped and/or were pulled in such that they coincided. The acting boss just came back from a three week vacation the Monday after our boss left. So, the two of them have not really done any knowledge transfer for five weeks. Add to that my safety coordinator duties. This normally amounts to 1-2 hours per week. This week, it has amounted to almost 20 hours because of a Flourine hazard. I've worked three weeks of hours in the last two and am not done yet. So, for the moment, this apology is all you get! :)

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Gas Guzzler Loophole

Here's an interesting essay I found on the gas guzzler loophole. I was researching fuel efficient vehicles. I'd like to go biodiesel or hybrid. But I'm not there financially yet. I was also considering a short range electric car as a commuter vehicle. Anyway, I found this article. The short form is that fuel wasting passenger vehicles are taxed extra for being fuel wasters. This impacts your Jags, Rolls Royces, Crown Vics and the like. However, Congress exempted light duty trucks and SUVs because they didn't want to hurt farmers and small biz. Back when the tax was passed, those were the primary owners of such vehicles. Since then, Hummers have become commuter vehicles for upscale soccer moms. These gas guzzlers are now being marketed as commuter vehicles and the importers do not have to pay the guzzler taxes on them. Where is the outrage?

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Thanks for missing the point

I'm so glad I was able to read about this woman and that the McDonald's diet works for her. Apparently she started her crusade in response to Morgan Spurlock's excellent film, Super Size Me. She was upset about the movie and felt it "insulted the intelligence of fat people by implying that they couldn't resist the offer of a gargantuan portion for a few cents extra".

Now, I don't remember that being the thrust of the movie. In fact, as I recall, Spurlock was trying to do a couple things. First, the fast food lawsuits failed because the judge felt there was no proof that McDonald's food was the cause. What better way to show that was not the case than by eating nothing but that food. Second, he was trying to show how average Americans got the way they are. So, he reduced his physical activity and he ate all his meals off the McD's menu. He only supersized when asked, which was around nine times out of ninety meals.

So, the thrust wasn't that people went for oversize portions because they are inexpensive. The thrust was that people ate foods based on convenience and were often unaware of what went into their bodies.

In two months, she has lost about thirty pounds by eating nothing but McDonald's. How can this be? Well, for one thing, she is a construction worker. It's unlikely she lives the sedentary lifestyle of many Americans. For another, her start weight was 228 and "she's memorized the calories in almost every menu item, and limits herself to 1,400 calories a day". Hmmmmmm. Moderate physical activity and limited calories. And she's losing weight? It boggles the mind.

What boggles the mind even more is that she thinks she is in some way fighting back against Spurlock. While she is likely not getting the vitamins she needs, she is paying attention to what she eats and gets at least some activity. These are two of his biggest criticisms. The only thing she has really proven is that it is possible to lose weight regardless of what foods you eat. Didn't we already know that about calories? And lest you think she was just trying to disprove Spurlock out of pure altruism, she "dreams of becoming the McDonald's Corp.'s Jared Fogle, the Subway weight-loss poster boy". Lovely. So, she is hoping to make money convincing others that MCdonald's is GOOD for you.

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In honor of Potter Mania

This is really just a short form Kiersey personality test with the results being applied to one of the major HP characters. Not sure if I equate the Weasley twins to ENFP, but I have come up as that before on the longer version of the test.


Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.

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10 is big. 40 is bigger!

A couple weeks ago, I passed a momentous milestone. No, I didn't pass it that way. You people are sick. You see the words 'pass' and 'stone' in a sentence and you get all silly. Focus. So. The milestone. My wife and I celebrated our 10th anniversary! Yes. She has put up with me for 10 years. Twelve really, but the first couple were the no obligation, risk free trial...

I had wanted to do something special to mark the occasion, but the timing didn't work out right. So, it came to pass on our family vacation up at Sequoia National Park. Maya reminded us throughout the day that it was our anniversary. When we went out to dinner, she and Josh told us to pretend they were not there. They made us hold hands and gaze into each other's eyes across the table. It was funny and cute. Not as epic as I would have liked for building a marriage that continues to get better after 10 years when so many people can't even last five years, but still, a good time.

But that isn't the most impressive thing to tell you about. It was just the appetizer. You see, my parents' anniversary is the day after ours. And they just celebrated 40 years together! Yes. You read that right. 40. We wanted to throw them a big party with a tent in the driveway and all that jazz, but they said no. We'll likely all go out to dinner with my sisters, brothers-in-law, and nephews when we come to town. They don't even want that, but I think we'll have to insist. Congratulations Mom and Dad! Thanks for showing us the way.

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MIT Blog Survey

Click through on this if you have a blog and feel like helping in a statistical study of bloggers and communication and such.

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Baja Anti-Rice Front

Karma is on a new crusade. You aren't surprised are you? I've named it for her. I hope she doesn't mind. Naturally, she'll head up B.A.R.F. What is the goal? Apparently, to prevent "yet another chicken-rice-vegetable" restaurant from springing up in the San Diego area. Sounds like a worthwhile thing to be worried about, eh? I think the most amazing part of the story is that it only cost me half-an-hour...

You are no doubt wondering where this even came from and how I got sucked into it. I wondered that myself for the first third or so of the conversation. I went over to get her to send me a script so I could do some work. She was attempting to convince one of the IT guys of something. He was unconvinced. As I arrived, she sought to enlist me to her cause. "Would you want to eat rice every day?"

"Huh?"

"Would YOU want to eat rice EVERY day?"

Well, THAT cleared it up for me. I could have asked for clarification or context, but what would be the point? A zombie could have figured out which way I was supposed to answer. And so, naturally, I replied, "Yes."

That answer wasn't entirely born of a desire to annoy. Of the starchy side dishes, rice is the one I'd eat most often if I could. The effect was as I had desired. I made points with the IT guy, who is Asian, lost points with Karma, and probably endeared myself to the other Asians that sit around her.

Still she pressed on. "But wouldn't you get tired of it if every restaurant you went to was the same thing? Chicken. Rice. Vegetables."

I tried to puzzle out where this place was. All I could think of was that we were talking about an Asian country that she didn't enjoy traveling in due to a lack of food variety. And I still wasn't getting her point. "What? You mean all prepared exactly the same way? Same seasonings and everything?"

"No. Just chicken, rice, and vegetables."

"But there are dozens of dishes that you can make with different vegetable combinations, different seasonings, and even kinds of rice," I said

"But it's still the same thing!"

I was lost and it wasn't getting better. I decided a different tack was needed. "What are we talking about?" I boldly ventured.

"A new restaurant that is opening up."

"Ohhhhhhhh-kay?"

"I am trying to save San Diego from yet ANOTHER restaurant that serves chicken, rice, and vegetables. Every restaurant you go into, it's the same thing."

"Don't you have the option to get something other than rice?"

"Chili's for example. You can get rice, fries, noodles, potatoes..."

"Asian restaurants."

"And where is this restaurant?"

"I don't know."

Mm-hmm. "And what's it called?"

"I don't know."

How deep does the rabbit hole go? "What kind of restaurant is it?"

Wait for it.

"I don't know. It's an Asian restaurant of some sort."

"Well, Asian restaurants are different. Chinese, Japanese, and Thai foods all taste very different. And you could get noodles there, too."

"But rice is the staple."

"There's jasmine rice, white rice, brown rice, basmati rice, long grain..."

"But it's all still rice. Everywhere you look. It's rice...taco...rice...taco...rice...taco..."

"So, you're actual complaint is that there are too many Asian and Mexican restaurants in an area with large Asian and Mexican populations?"

"Are there really that many Asians here? San Francisco, sure. But San Diego?" This statement is particularly bad when you consider that she said it to someone who is Cambodian and within earshot of a Vietnamese woman, and two other engineers from China.

"Well, if you go to the good quality specimens of these establishments, you find a good portion of Asians dining there. So, clearly there is demand."

"No you don't. Asians don't dine out. They like to save money. They're 'frugal'. Look around you. All the Asians in this department eat together. And what do they eat? Rice. Rice that they cooked for dinner the night before. The average people who dine out are white middle-class folks."

Now, before you get any ideas about her. I should remind you that Karma is NOT a racist. We covered that pretty thoroughly back in the linked tale from April.

IT-guy pointed out that he eats out pretty much every day. I told him he couldn't be Asian then. If the union found out, they would kick him out.

Karma was not amused. "How many Asian restaurants is too many? 2000? 10000? Why can't we have something different?"

ITGuy shot back "You mean like burger and bun?"

"What?"

"You know. McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's, etc."

He had a point. They were at least as abundant as Asian and Mexican and she wasn't complaining about those.

"Oh, don't you know anything?" she condescended, "McDonald's didn't become successful because of their hamburgers."

This was news to me. "They didn't?" I said, somewhat surprised.

"No. McDonald's was all about marketing. They had all these cartoon characters like Ronald McDonald, the purple guy, and the cookie monster. That's what made them a hit. That and the playgrounds. They marketed to kids."

While it was true that the arches had, since the mid 60s, targeted kids with their marketing, Ronald was not around until the franchise had been around almost 10 years. And they were expanding pretty successfully without it. But that was beside the point. The point was that there are plenty of burger and bun places in the area and she wasn't complaining about them.

I tried to switch back on track, insomuch as this conversation had a track. I suggested that the restaurants in the area were a result of meeting demand. If people didn't want them, they'd go out of business.

"But shouldn't they try something different so that they stand out from the other places to eat?"

"I imagine that if they were smart, they did market research to make sure there was demand."

"Not necessarily. You'd be surprised."

I was still missing something. There is some Asian restaurant somewhere that is opening up sometime. We don't have any specifics. But we are upset over it. Why? So, I asked the IT guy if he knew someone who was opening a place.

"My sister."

Oh-ho! So, IT-guy comes to Karma to tell her abut his sister's new venture. Bear in mind, IT-guy frequently brings Karma treats and is very nice to her. If someone like that came to you, your first natural reaction would be to berate them, wouldn't it? So, Karma has established that IT's sister didn't do her homework and is opening a superfluous restaurant. What a good friend.

So, I decided to find out a bit more about the restaurant. Surely if his sister had planned to open a restaurant, she had some details. "So," I asked, "what kind of food is it?"

"Thai barbeque."

My taste buds perked up. So did my ears. "Sounds tasty."

"Oh, who ever heard of Thai barbeque?" Karma snapped, acting hastily to quell the flow of positive energy. "Nobody is going to want to go there. When families are in the car trying to decide where to eat, they think Italian, Mexican, American, Chinese. Nobody ever says 'Thai Barbeque'." Her reversal of position was so smooth, you'd think it was her position all along. Now she was arguing against something different. Something that stands out from the other places to eat. Still thinking me an ally, she turned and asked, "Have you ever heard of Thai Barbeque."

"Yes," I lied. I had heard of Mongolian Barbeque and Thai food in general. So, I could certainly conceive of Thai BBQ. And I certainly wasn't going to give her any ammunition.

"Well, *I* haven't heard of it, so it can't be very common." This is her litmus test for many things. There isn't racism in the South because she's never encountered it. Most people haven't heard of Thai BBQ, because she hasn't. Asians don't eat out, because five of the six she works with don't eat out. You get the idea.

I pressed on in support of ITGuy. "It sounds really good. I'd definitely eat there. What's she going to call it?"

IT guy has a bit of an accent, so Karma mistook the name. It's up to you whether or not she did it intentionally. "Lemon GLASS Barbeque? GLASS? G-L-A-S-S?" she asked in an exaggerated way as though it was the dumbest thing she had ever heard.

It's actually Lemon GRASS BBQ. You know, the whole overdone Asian L/R bit? Karma claims to have never heard of Lemon grass. I told her that lemon grass chicken was one of my favorite Thai dishes.

"Well, I've never heard of it." she groused. "It's not a very good name. Nobody is going to know what they serve there. No one will come."

"Well, nobody would know what a lot of restaurants have to offer when they open. That's why they do a marketing blitz when they first open. It lets people know what they have and gives enticements to come in. Discount coupons. You know, stuff like that." I felt like I was talking to an idiot child.

"Well, that's my point." she said, as though she had been arguing this all along. "There is going to be a phase of educating the public. And that is costly. They'd be better off if people knew what to expect there. That way they could go when they were in the mood for that type of food."

So, to sum up to where we are now. These are B.A.R.F.'s demands:
* No more Asian or Mexican restaurants. We have enough.
* New eateries MUST offer something different.
* These different things must be the same as things already around that Karma likes, such as Italian, Soup and Salad, or Indian. (Yes. I know India is in Asia. Don't go there.)
* The name must clearly indicate the type of food. So "Passage to India" had better serve Indian Food and "Joe's American Bar and Grill" is good ole USofA. "Tony's Place" is right out.

"I think some people will be interested. Lemon grass is a common Thai ingredient. People who like Thai food will want to go there. You just need a memorable name. There was a great Thai place back where I used to live called 'Lemon Tree'. They did great business. But the name doesn't tell you anything."

To this, she had no answer. For this, I was grateful. I decided to find out more about LG BBQ. "I think I'd like to go there when it opens. Where is this going to be?" I asked ITG.

"The food court of UCSD." ITG told me.

"Darn," I said. "I don't really get down there ever." As I said that, another though hit me. "So, we are arguing over a restaurant that is nowhere near us and that we are unlikely to patronize?!?"

"Well. I didn't know it wasn't near me. That's a relief." Karma said.

"I'm still a bit confused. Why are we railing against rice so much? I find rice more interesting that mashed potatoes or french fries, the other big starch staples. Those would get pretty boring on a regular basis, too."

"Rice is bad for you." she explained.

Here we go again. Last time she crusaded against a food it was the bagel. ITGuy waved goodbye and made his exit. I should have done the same. I shouldn't have taken the bait, but I did. "Why is rice bad for you?"

"It raises insulin levels. It causes diabetes."

"Wouldn't mashed potatoes and french fries do that, too?"

"Yes, but they aren't as prevalent as those rice places." she reminded me.

"Rice is not necessarily bad for you." I pointed out, "Asian cultures eat rice as a staple and don't have America's obesity problem."

"It is bad. My diabetes doctor told me."

"There are multiple varieties of rice. Minute rice is definitely bad for you. But there are other types of rice. There's long grain, jasmine, basmati, brown rice..."

"Those are all white. Except for the brown rice. And white rice is bad."

"Well sure, if you eat a big bowl of it. But it's bad as much for the calories as it is for its refined nature. If you eat a meal with a side of rice, some vegetables, and a protein, you're essentially eating a complex meal and it will be broken down by your body accordingly."

"My dad has diabetes. The bad kind. He takes shots and everything. He can't have rice. My diabetes doctor told me not to either."

She doesn't have diabetes as far as I know. She eats chocolate and other sweets regularly. These, apparently, are not bad for her. Certainly not as bad as *shudder* RICE.

"My dad has diabetes, too." I countered. "He takes insulin shots and he still enjoys an occasional bowl of rice with his meal."

"My diabetes doctor said..."

I debated internally whether or not to introduce her to the word 'endocrinologist'. Common sense won out. There was a long pause as she waited to see what facts she'd have to refute next. I swallowed hard, took a deep breath, and said "do you have the script for generating the diagnostics?"

She looked disappointed, but agreed to e-mail it to me. I made a hasty retreat and began writing furiously...

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See Us on TV!

Well, if you are local you can anyway. Maya, Josh, and I made the final cut of the two commercials for this year's San Diego Renaissance Faire. If you live locally, you will be able to see the commercial on KUSI, NBC, and The History Channel during the last couple of weeks of July.

If you aren't local, or don't want to wait, you can view the commercials online. I am in the tail end of commercial 1. You have to look for me as I am part of a shot where the Mayor and assorted sundries are bowing toward the camera. The kids are both in commercial 2. Josh is the only pirate and Maya is in a blue dress with a tan chemise. Both have really good closeups. The fair should be quite an event this year.

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Rule Brittania

"Rule, Britannia! Britannia, rule the waves:
Britons never will be slaves."

I would be remiss if I didn't include a post of support for the people of London and all of England, for that matter. It's sad that innocents have to suffer for the actions of tyrants.

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In 'light' of my recent procedure...

I'm sure THIS must be what Chuck is referring to. ;-) I present to you Working Where The Sun Don't Shine (The Colorectal Surgeon's Song) by Canadian musical humorists Bowser and Blue. The link takes you to the lyrics. Click on the MP3 link to hear it. You'll thank me later.

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The Long Awaited Lemon Tree

The Long Awaited Lemon Tree
Originally uploaded by briwei.

Check it out! I have finally posted a picture of the lemon tree in ouryard. The tree is actually a little fuller than that, right now. That picture was just after its haircut. We seem to get a small lemon crop every three months or so.

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