Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Eyebrows under siege

That's right. My eyebrows are in danger. No, there's nothing you can do about it, thanks for asking. My wife has decided that my eyebrows are too bushy. Actually, she decided it long ago and has been lobbying me in an attempt to do something about it. I allowed her to trim them with scissors and comb on one occasion. She was pleased with the results ann would now like to make it a part of my regular grooming routine...

So, why don't I just let her do her thing and be done with it? It can't be worth fending her off on a regular basis, can it? Perhaps yes, perhaps no. Part of the problem is that she wants to use the new trimmers that I have for my hair to do it. They have an attachment that seems like it would work well on eyebrows. She helps with the cutting of my hair with those trimmers, but that's different. I'm taking off everything as low as the trimmers will go. I'm not keen to do that with my eyebrows. She also has a bit of history with electric clippers.

We get our dog shaved down for the summer. She's a miniature collie and she feels better without all that fur in the summer. Last summer, we went to Petco to get it done and they told us there was a new policy. The dog had to have a kennel cough shot for them to take her. The shot was around $20 and I'm not sure how often it had to be obtained, but this would have made the grooming a $50 prospect instead of a $30 one. My wife balked at this and we discussed it. At first, she wanted to use my hair trimmers for the dog. NFW. My point of view was that we should just pay the money for the shot and be done with it. After all, we didn't know anything about dog grooming. I tried to explain that it wasn't the same as shaving my head. I held still and was somewhat less likely to bite her if I didn't like what she was doing. I also don't have the same aversion to being held down as our dog does. Reluctantly , she agreed with me.

That evening, before I left work, I got a phone call. "Honey. You're going to be mad at me." Generally, I don't like conversations that start this way. No good can come of them. "Ok, I'll bite," I said. "What did you do?" It seems she couldn't bring herself to spend the money on the shot, so she bought a dog grooming kit instead. Cost? Around $30. And why would I be mad? Because the dog wouldn't stay still and now looks all patchy. Ok, fine. Lesson learned. So, now the grooming would cost $80 instead of $50. I wasn't happy, but at least I had I-told-you-so rights. Or so I thought.

That weekend, Chuck stopped over for a visit. He took pity on blotchy dog and ended up getting roped into helping with a second go at shaving her. We were more successful this time and got her coat even across most of her body. We had no idea what to do around her face, paws, and tail. This made her less splotchy but more freakish. Both my wife and I claimed victory.

The second electric clippers story is probably more directly relevant. It was back in the early days of Lynnea cutting my hair. She had been doing it for a few months and was getting to be pretty good at it. However, on the night in question, she made a bit of an error. A compounding series of errors actually. The first error was that she had forgotten to put the piece on the trimmers that determines how much hair you want to leave. This would not have been insurmountable had she not decided that the place to start was right down the middle of the top of my head. I knew right away that something was wrong. She blurted out "Oooooo!" and stopped abruptly. "Oooooo? What oooo? Ooooo is not a good sound." She stepped back and said, "I think I have to go." It was a drastic departure from my hairstyle at the time, so the white stripe down the middle was very noticeable. There was not much we could do at that point. She had to finish what she started. Thus my current hair style, short and fuzzy, was born.

I tried to use these stories in defense of my apprehension. She pointed to both as successes. "You like your hairstyle now. It looks good." I had to agree with her there. I am happy with my hair as it is and trim it down about once a month. My concern, however, was that my eyebrows could not withstand an "Oooooo!". She was ready for that. "Eyebrows grow back." Again, I had to agree, but here was the sticking point. Many people walk around with bad haircuts and people generally don't care. However, walking around with no eyebrows tends to freak people out.