An Adventurer Is You!

I have a new addiction and I think some of you will, too. It's an incredibly silly online adventure game called Kingdom of Loathing. The name does not do it justice. If features silly stick figure art, lots of bad puns, and amusing cultural references. It also has some built in limitations to prevent you from playing constantly...
Categories: Humor, Gaming

There are six character classes in KoL, and these reveal much about the style and flavor of the game:

• Seal Clubber - Seal Clubbers hail from the frigid Northlands, because one character class always hails from the frigid Northlands. They rely on their Muscle to survive.
• Turtle Tamer - The Turtle Tamer's mystical connection with his terrapin brethren imbues him with great power. He excels at moving very slowly and winning footraces with smug satisfaction. His Muscle is the key to his success, and to his long lifespan.
• Pastamancer - With his mastery of the arcane secrets of Noodlecraft, the Pastamancer is a force to be reckoned with. He relies on his Mysticality to get ahead in the world.
• Sauceror - Long engaged in an uneasy truce with the Pastamancers, the guild of Saucerors protects the secrets of the Ancient Brotherhood of Gravymakers. Their Mysticality is their most important attribute.
• Disco Bandit - The Disco Bandit boogies to and fro, hither and yon. Whence comes he? No man knows. Whither strikes he next? All men live in fear of him and his Moxie.
• Accordion Thief - The scourge of mariachis and polka bands, the Accordion Thieves have plied their malign craft since time out of mind. Their Moxie serves them well in both their adventures and their interactions with "the ladies."

You only adventure one character at a time, but are allowed to have multiple characters, as long as you are not using them all to bulk up one character. To that end, I have thus far tried a Disco Bandit, a Sauceror, and a Pastamancer, in that order. There's always plenty of amusing stuff to read at every turn. Even the level descriptions are funny. I started out as a Funk Footpad, but have worked my way up to Sample Swindler with my Bandit. The levels are silly, the weapons are silly, and the monsters are especially silly. I've encountered Sabre Toothed Limes, Knob Goblins, Booze Giants, and Bread Golems.

This game does not use gold as its currency. Oh no. The way to buy things in game is with meat. Meat has other uses, as well. Mash 10 meat up and you've got meat paste. Meat paste can be used to stick thins together. I used several wads of meat paste and assorted items and made a Bitchin' Meatcar. (You need it so you can go on vacation.) Combine 100 meat and you get a meat stack. Meat stacks can be used in meatsmithing. 1000 meat is a dense meat stack, for those higher quality items.

Each encounter that has the chance to net you something costs 1 adventure. On your first day you get 80 adventures. After that, you get 40 per day. But it is possible to get more. Eating food gets you more adventures as well as possible stat gains. However, there is a limit to the amount of food you can eat daily. The more complex the food, the more adventures it yields. For example, eat a tomato and you'll only get one adventure. Combine that tomato with an EZ bake oven and awad of dough and you have a plain pizza, worth 3 adventures. Add a knob sausage to the pizza and bake, and you have a sausage pizza worth 10 adventures and a few points of strengthliness or muscleboundedness. All characters can bake simple food items. Saucerors and Pastamancers each have special foodmaking skills that enhance the basic food. They'll need to work together to make the pr0n chow mein which will net you 16-23 adventures plus some assorted substat bumps.

Don't worry if cooking ain't your thing. Booze also grants adventures as well as drunkenness. You can continue adventuring as long as your drunkenness is 14 or less. If you go over and try to adventure, bad things will happen to you. All characters can mix drinks, but you need to be a Disco Bandit or an Accordion Thief to mix the good stuff. Again, the benefits increase with the complexity. A beer will get you 1 adventure. Boxed wine will get you 3. Mix that wine with a strawberry and you get strawberry wine, worth 3-6 plus some Moxie. Put the strawberry wine in a coconut shell and you've got a pink pony, for 10-14 adventures, some muscle and some moxie. The descriptions of what happens when you use the item are pretty good, too. Here's what happens when you drink strawberry wine:

You drink the strawberry wine. You're reminded of the time Old Man Boone tried to touch you in an inappropriate way behind the granary.

Y'know, because it's totally inappropriate to touch somebody behind the granary.

If that doesn't make you laugh, then this is not the game for you.

The gear is equally silly. I'm currently stylin' with my disco fro pick and wielding a Gnollish plunger. I picked it up at Degrassi Knoll.

They also have clans in the game, though I haven't otten that far. Apparently, clans offer you various benfits in return for in game contributions. Perhaps if a bunch of us start playing we can form a silly clan of some sort or other.

This may sound overwhelming, but the extra adventures on day 1 are to help you get oriented. Just go to Mount Noob and visit the Toot Oriole. He'll give you step by step instructions to learn the game. There are also some help sites for the game. The two best I've found are The Kingdom of Loathing Coldfront and Visual KoL Wiki.

If you feel like joining me in the game, let me know what your character's names are. I have:

briwei - Disco Rogue
Gibletz - Sauceror
KidKugel - Pastamancer

I may try some others later, but that's enough for now. Join me. There's plenty of meat for everyone!