Well, the bad news is that I was karmically punished for my recent urethra post. (Note: Be warned. This post is pretty gross.) After my routine physical, the doctor decided that I should have a flexible sigmoidoscopy, even though I am young and healthy. For those who don't know what this is, it's a test wherein a camera on the end of a flexible tube is inserted into your rectum and sent as far in as you can stand on a fact finding mission...
In addition to the discomfort, there is the added benefit of lying in a humiliating, naked from the waist down position while you are tortured. They put a paper table cloth over you to "allow you some privacy". Then they fold it up so they have access. There is a lot of twisting and turning from the camera to get it to focus. At least there was a little TV there so I could watch and see what was going on in there. I can now tell you exactly what digested yellow Jellow looks like. I won't. But I can. I was offered some pain medication for the process that I had to decline. L. could not pick me up from the appointment.
The worst par was the advancing of the tube. My theory is that the seal is tight so, as the camera advances, air is displaced. The only place for the air to go is back up the pipes until it comes to a space that it can spread out in. Instant abdominal cramps. I was determined not to yell or swear or anything like that. And I made a pretty good show of it. I gritted my teeth. I grunted through the pain. On the occasions when that wasn't enough, I blurted out things like "Oh yeeeeeeah." Dr. Newman had a sense of humor about it as well. "That hits the spot, huh?" After what seemed like forever, he decided he had seen enough. He assured me that he COULD have gone further, but he chose not to as he didn't see a need to torture me further. "That's fine. I'm not a fan of torture, myself," I said as I exhaled. "I am," he said matter-of-factly. "Next time." I promised.
The good news is I have a healthy colon and he sees no reason to see me until I am 50. So, no cancer, which is what my doctor was concerned about. Whew. In spite of taking up less space, I'd call the good news bigger than the bad. Of course, the bad news had company.
I'm including the preparation and after-effects as separate bad news. Especially since they were so bad. The prep work required a 24 hour clear liquid diet, with nothing after midnight. That means I could have Sprite, bouillion, water, and non-red Jello. In addition, I had to drink a GALLON of Colyte. Colyte is an electrolyte and laxative cocktail. That's sixteen 8 ounce glasses of nasty. The directions specifically say that you can't flavor it. Eight ounces every fifteen minutes. The time separation is to allow you to get to the can! Colyte is difficult to describe without using words like gross, gag, or for the love of G-d, no! Basically, it's a powder that dissolves in the gallon jug. The directions say refrigeration improves the taste. If THAT was an improvement, I'd hate to taste it at room temperature. It's slightly more viscous than water or soda. Not enough to make it syrupy or sticky. Just enough to remind you that it ain't water. It's salty, too. But not table salt salty or sea salt salty. There is another taste in there too, as just drinking plain salt water never tasted this bad. However, I didn't want to think about it, so I didn't dwell on it enough to identify it. They also tell you to drink it quickly as opposed to sipping it. Like I was going to sit out on the patio with a colyte, a sprig of mint, and a good book? It's quick acting, too. By my third glass, I was racing to the throne. The end result is supposed to be that your stool is clear. I assumed they meant transparent and not colorless. I was wrong. I was sh*tting water. Or Colyte. Or whatever. That was some unpleasantness for a few hours. It left me with a headache and a burnin' ring of fire. At least the procedure was at 8am the next day. A good night's sleep and it would be all but over.
Or so I thought. Unfortunately, the effects have lingered. All that air that was forced in had to come out somewhere. I had several bursts of flatulence throughout the day, coupled with nausea and cramping. And this wasn't a little toot here and there. These were long, loud, trumpet blasts. If I had fine motor sphincter control, I could have played the Star Spangled Banner. My body has been trying to readjust to digesting food. In the mean time, I am crampy, gassy, and grumpy. And this is the next day! I am hoping my intenstinal distress dissipates soon as we are going camping tonight.
However, there was one more bright side to it all. As I was sitting in the men's room stall, an equally gassy individualt sat down next door to me. As he and I grunted, sometimes in unison and sometimes in harmony, an idea for a tasteless short film or skit occurred to me. It's tentatively called "dueling buttholes", though I am open to suggestions for a better name. I'm sure you can all guess how it would go. The song dueling banjos done to fart noises. The shots would include the stall doors with the feet visible underneath, shots of the 'musicians' on their thrones, and closeups of the 'musicians' faces as they grimace in an exaggerated day. I suppose it could be subtitled "Chili Day at the Cafeteria".
I have sunk to a new low.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Bad News - Good News...
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Injustice for all...
The Patriotic jingoists strike again! (Found this via David Grenier) An eight year old boy in Southern California made up his own version of the Pledge of Allegiance and recited it during the morning Patriotic Devotional. Here is his rendition...I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United Federation of Planets, and to the galaxy for which it stands, one universe, under everybody, with liberty and justice for all species.
I don't know about you, but I like it. I like the sentiment and creativity. A parent in the class did not. The incident was reported to the principal. The boy was suspended for a day and ordered to write the Pledge of Allegiance FIFTY times as penance.
His Mom was called in to pick him up with no explanation beyond that he was suspended. Did I mention that the school is near a military base and many of the students have fathers on base?
The link to the story is a link to her blog containing her recounting of the events. You won't find this in the news as the Mom has not decided to alert the media. I really like the way she handled it.
First, she laughed when the Principal told her why he was suspended. When she saw how serious the Principal was, she decided not to say any more and took her son home to do his penance. She let him watch Star Trek. The more she thought about it, the more she decided that the school was really wrong. She told him not to do copy the PofA even once. The next day, she marched back into the school and demanded they remove the suspension from his record and cited all the reasons why they were wrong. She told her son that he could keep reciting his pledge, but to do it silently so as not to disrupt the class. She further let him know that he did not have to recite any pledges or oaths that he did not believe in.
The suspension got rewritten to a warning, which I suppose is progress. I would have pushed for an apology from the teacher and principal, but I suppose if the boy knows his mother is on his side, that's the important thing. She also read him all the comments of support over on her blog. He's been buoyed by that.
Also noteworthy for relevance to the "School Administrators are Morons" meme is this story on Thing of Ugly. Short form is that two boys planned a scientific experiment to show the dangers of BB guns. They had adult permission and oversight. Anyone who looked at their work could see that this was not just an excuse to play with guns. (It might have been an excuse to play with ballistics gelatin...) The administrators disqualified the project as too dangerous.
To a lesser extent is another story on my friend Jenn's blog. She took her Kindergartener to be to a school tour to experience the teachers she may have. The teacher their group met with read the Rainbow Fish and then asked the class, "Is it right to be so beautiful, or should you share with others so that you are all the same?" There's a good message for you. Don't achieve. Don't be the best. And if you are, then find ways to conform so others will like you. This teacher then went on to guide the kids on an art project. She stressed the *right* way to do it, right down to the colors that MUST be used.
So. Remember kids. Don't think outside the box unless you want some institutional beatdown. It's American Survivor! Conform. Consume. Concede.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Marvin the Martian Lives Next Door
We met the folks who live behind us a few days ago. We were on the hill, weeding. They were in their back yard. They called us over and we exchanged pleasantries. They had a question for us, "Is that big tree yours?" I wondered what led them to conclude this. Eighty percent or more of the tree is over the fence into our side neighbor's yard. That eighty percent includes the whole trunk and root system. Perhaps it was the fact that I had trimmed the branches that were hanging down to the ground and blocking our sprinklers. I made the leap and said as much...
"Nope. It's not ours. I just trimmed some branches so our sprinkler could water this side of the hill. Why?"
"Well, we wanted to ask if we could cut it down."
They wanted to cut down a beautiful and sizeable shade tree in someone else's yard? WTF? They saw my puzzled look and felt the need to clarify.
"We'd do all the work. They wouldn't have to do any of it. We'd get it cut down and haul it away."
"That's very nice of you," I ventured, not sure where this was going at all.
"When we're in the hot tub, the tree blocks our view."
Don't worry. I swiped their illuduim Q-36 space modulator. The tree is safe for now.
Friday, June 17, 2005
For the record...
If someone mentions the southern part of Norway around you, and you say, "Isn't that where the Norwegian rednecks are?" and someone from Texas who happens to be overly sensitive is in the room, odds are good she will find it offensive. If she retorts, "That's exactly the kind of thing you expect from a Northerner", that is NOT offensive. Why, you ask? Because it is retaliation. And retaliation apparently always has the moral high ground. Just thought you should know.
Read More......Thursday, June 16, 2005
Razor burn or freezer burn?
Check out GreatRazors.com. I am tempted to order from them just to see whether or not they are any better than a regular razor. These razor blades are "cryogenically tempered" at -300 degrees F. That's getting down toward absolute zero. The premise is that the molecular structure changes at that temperature, making it more durable and stable. I found the site because I was looking up fuel economy solutions. I don't remember the exact search string, but a story on this guy came up because he did the same process to his car parts and got significantly better gas mileage and longevity on his car.
Read More......Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Maybe I Hit My Head Harder Than I Thought...
Last Friday, I resolved to go to the doctor about my bump on the head. I think I just got tired of people asking me if I had been and then being shocked when I said, "No." The popular opinion seemed to be that a fall of that nature, coupled with a perpetual headache and near constant tiredness was cause for concern. I didn't disagree, mind you. I just didn't think it was serious enough that they were going to do anything about it. My self-diagnosis was: mild concussion. I've seen enough medical drama to know the signs. Still, the nagging finally got to be more annoying than the headaches, so I went. The doctor spent about five minutes with me. She twisted my head in a variety of directions. She shined lights in my eyes. She poked my bruise to make sure it hurt. Then she gave me her diagnosis. Mild concussion. She told me I'd have a headache for a couple of weeks, but should suffer no lasting ill effects. If I experienced any blackouts, nausea, bleeding from the eyes, or speaking in tongues, I was to come back. Fine.
I headed off to work where I received great sympathy from my boss. "You're one of those people that should wear a helmet at all times, like those kids." He laughed heartily. The day went by more or less uneventfully and I headed off to the theater to get ready for the show. The wife and kids weren't going to be coming, and I didn't have anyone from work coming either. No biggie. I'd still have fun. I was a little bummed that I hadn't had many people come up for the show. Whatever. The audiences have been good and the cast has been great. I don't need to know anyone in the audience to entertain them.
So, I went through my preshow routine. I did vocal warm-ups. I stretched. I put on make-up. I socialized with the rest of the cast. Then came the call. Places! I open the show. There is a brief intro in which I do a little dance ending with a couple of bell kicks, one left and one right. Then I go down on one knee and take my hat off pointing at the audience member three seats in from the stage right end of the center seating bank. Kind of a "Ta-Daaa!" without words.
So, I hustled out to my spot. Waited for the preshow announcements and the house lights to go out. Music! I made my entrance. I did my moves. My character is allowed to break the fourth wall, so I started surveying the immediate audience to decide who I was going to interact with. Kick. Kick. Hat. That was the point when I thought that perhaps my concussion was worse than I originally thought. Had to be. My hat was pointing right at my Dad! But he was in Massachusetts. And there was my Mom. And why were L and the kids not at their cookout? Everyone was sitting there grinning at me.
I'm told the look on my face was pretty priceless. I wish they had gotten a picture. I can only imagine. L has since asked what was going through my head at that point. Normally, I weight a beat or two before going into my lines. I try to see who reacted the best to my dance and deliver the opening line to them. Friday night, it seemed like an eternity before I went on. Here is what I was thinking: "No way. NO. WAY. Holy crap. I don't believe this. NO WAY! HOLY CRAP! How did they? Where did they? NO. WAY." I blame the concussion for my not having deeper thoughts. I'm milking that bad boy for all it's worth. After that, I continued the opening. But they had succeeded in throwing me off my game a bit. I had this strange grin on my face that didn't really fit the lines so much. I pulled it together after the opening solo, but it wasn't easy.
I made my first exit and immediately ran to one of my costars, the one that I kiss. "My Dad is in the front row! From Boston!" I whispered as loudly as I dared.
"I know," she told me.
I went to the guy who played my boss. "My Dad is..."
"I know," he cut in.
I had to do a cross. So I didn't have a chance to interrogate anyone else. I crossed and ended up behind the upstage curtain. I went to yet another costar. Surely she hadn't heard. "Gretchen! You'll never guess..."
"I know."
"Does everybody know except me?!?"
It turned out pretty much everyone did know. But they hadn't known for long. My wonderful wife did an amazing job of keeping me out of the loop on this. She dashed into the theater at 6:30, a mere 15 minutes before I arrived. She explained that she had a reservation under a false name and told the folks there what was going on. They let her save the appropriate seats so she could have the desired affect, a privilege normally reserved for groups of 10 or more. She wanted to be able to sneak them in when I wasn't looking. Then she dashed out through the alley and went several blocks out of her way to get back to the car, just to be sure she wasn't seen.
The story is even funnier than that, because they were convinced I knew and was toying with them. They held this belief up until they saw the look on my face. You see, I had called my Dad on Thursday night and Friday morning. No reason. Just to chat. Hadn't talked to him much lately and I figured I ought to pass along the concussion news. Well, he was kind of busy Thursday, so I told him I'd talk to him later. Friday morning was later. The only thing was, he was in California already for both calls. And both my kids were with him. So, he had to think and act fast to get me off the phone.
The cookout was also a fabrication, as if you didn't know. She and the kids were out to dinner with my folks. So was the sleepover at the triplets' house the night before. They were actually at the hotel with my folks. I gave them some added panic by calling my sister Sara-Anne during my commute home. She, too, was convinced that I was fishing for information. She became especially worried when I got home and wondered aloud why L's car was in the driveway if they were at a cookout. In truth, I thought that the kids had misbehaved and they had been forced to come home early. I excused myself and went to check. Sara-Anne immediately placed a panicked call to Dad who relayed the gaffe to L. Thinking quickly, she called me and asked me if we had any Benadryl. Her allergies were acting up because she was in Susan's car. Susan has a big van and it didn't make sense to bring two cars. The Benadryl also served to delay me a little as I had to make an extra stop on my way to the theater. Disaster averted.
I'd like to think that if I had been clear headed, I would have picked up on the signs. My Dad meeting with a customer at 8:30 at night is not unusual by itself. That, coupled with the sleepover out of the blue, coupled with him not calling back, coupled with the car being left in the driveway, coupled with the call about the car mere minutes after I wondered about it to my sister... Can that many things be 'coupled'?
At any rate, my weekend turned out great, concussion and all!
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
More Alternative Fuel Vehicles
The New York Times and Motor Trend both have reviews of Honda's fuel cell car. Sounds like the technology has made some impressive strides, but it still has a ways to go. This is one of those catch-22 situations. We need Hydrogen refill stations before these vehicles will be considered viable. But nobody will build a station until they are sure the vehicles are viable. Perhaps if we shifted some oil subsidies into multi-fuel type stations. Give some incentives for stations to expand their offerings. I think hybrid technologies are the way to go. We have a gas/electric hybrid. Why not a bio-diesel/electric hybrid? Let's learn from the stupidity of the past and not depend on any one thing to power our transportation.
Read More......Thursday, June 09, 2005
The Great Haiku Debate
So, Chuck and I were having a discussion about haikus today. It all started because of a guy I am going to be interviewing. His first and last names together sound a lot like haiku. So, I submitted the following for Chuck's amusement...
A man whose name is Haiku.
Oh! The irony
However, I had to quickly correct myself. According to the definition, this is not a valid haiku. I seemed to remember something about the lines not rhyming.
Chuck disagreed. He had heard rhyming haiku before. Here is one such by Taniguchi Buson:
my dead wife's comb, in our bedroom,
under my heel ...
He feels that the imagery and feel are less strong without the rhyme. I tend to agree. But the fact that it is beautiful does not make it a haiku. Add to that the fact that the english is a translation. Did the original rhyme? Or were the words chosen for a visual as well as auditory impact?
Thus began our debate. And so we turn to you, gentle reader, to answer this question. For Chuck's side of the story, click here.
Syllables all correct, too
Uh-oh, rhyme. Haiku?
During the course of it, I slung links at him, and he at me. It was quite a lot of fun because we mocked each other's positions as we debated. Usually in haiku. I'll tack on the definition and support links at the end.
His first take was that "unrhymed" was open to interpretation. Unrhymed does not mean that it *can't* rhyme. It just means no special effort is made to make it This, he called the accidental rhyme.
Fine. If the rhyming rule is optional, so is the meter. What if I accidentally add an extra syllable and make a 5-8-5 poem?
CSeggelin:THat's an issue of meter, not rhyme.
CSeggelin:A poem can rhyme by accident
Briwei: Still. It's a deviation of rule.
Briwei: Unrhymed means not rhyming
Briwei: The word isn't nuanced enough to carry intent.
Briwei: You can rhyme by accident, but you have still rhymed.
CSeggelin: Poetic license is about breaking rules. If someone chooses to rhyme their haiku, as far as I'm concerned, it's still a haiku--to me rhyme is far less structural than meter say. A purist might argue otherwise.
Briwei: If a man rhymes in a haiku and he didn't mean it, does it make a sound?
At last, a breakthrough. Chuck has found the proof that is bound to sway Brian:
CSeggelin: Harold Henderson, writing in 1967, observed that only one rhymed haiku had won any prize in the journal American Haiku (in vol. 2, no. 2), the following one by Ethel Freeman:
where blossoms once invited
hummingbirds to feed.
CSeggelin: Isn't that beautiful?
CSeggelin: I love it.
Briwei: It'd be better if it didn't rhyme. :)
CSeggelin: Purist.
Chuck felt that proved that haiku are allowed to rhyme. I think it proves that Americans are not good at haiku. Or following directions.
CSeggelin: As far as I'm concerned there is no hard and fast rule requiring that Haiku have an ABC rhyme scheme. But perhaps we'll have to agree to disagree on this one.
Briwei: In that case, I'm going to start writing Haikus in a different meter and call them Haikus. ;)
CSeggelin: Meter <> rhyme
CSeggelin: In fact
CSeggelin: Meter > rhyme
Briwei: Depends on the format.
CSeggelin: On the poetic animal, rhyme is fur color and meter is number of legs
Briwei: LOL
CSeggelin: If it doesn't have 8 legs it is not a spider.
CSeggelin: If it's pink... well MAYYYBE it's not a spider.
Briwei:
I changed the meter
Is this haiku?
CSeggelin: Probably not.
Briwei: I just used poetic license.
Briwei: Maybe you can't change meter on a poetic learner's permit, but I have a license. :-D
CSeggelin: But this is:
A literalist is he--
At least he's tryin'.
Briwei:
dirt dirt dirt dirt dirt dirt dirt
dirt dirt dirt dirt mud
Briwei: I call it "Ode to the first rain of Spring"
CSeggelin: Hey
CSeggelin: the first two lines rhyme
CSeggelin: you suck
CSeggelin: LOL
Briwei: But the syllables are all correct. So, I must be a frickin' genius!
Briwei: And it's about nature. So, I get bonus points.
CSeggelin: With respect to poetic license and meter, I would probably take the position that poetic license generally allows one to muck with the meter when the format doesn't call for a specific meter. If you set yourself up with iambic pentameter, and then you throw an odd syllable into a line, poetic license covers your ass. It doesn't let you write a 3 line sonnet or a 38 beat haiku.
CSeggelin: Because meter > rhyme.
CSeggelin: Depending on format of course
Briwei: Iambic pentameter does call for a specific meter!
CSeggelin: You are missing the point
CSeggelin: You can come up with a name for any meter
CSeggelin: And then violate the meter for poetic license
CSeggelin: That's different than saying, this is a sonnet, and then violating the meter.
CSeggelin: Or that's a haiku and violating the meter.
CSeggelin: And really it would depend on the haiku in quiestion
Briwei: But whereas "unrhymed" is in the definition of Haiku, it is clearly as important as the meter.
Briwei: So, by defying that, you are defying the format.
CSeggelin: "the" definition?
Briwei: And in that case, meter is not greater.
CSeggelin: Everywhere I look I see "rarely rhyming", "usually not rhyming", and so forth. Popular usage wins.
Well, not everywhere. As I pointed out, I found several sources that call out the lack of rhyme. But we'd be there all day if I kept on that tack. I decided that I would use poetic license as well.
Briwei: I'm going to start a 3-5-3 Haiku movement.
CSeggelin: I would argue that in Haiku meter>rhyme requirements, since haikus do not have rhyme requirements
Briwei: Get it into popular usage.
CSeggelin: If you were talking about limericks, which must be AABBA, then you could start making a strong case for rhyme of equal importance to meter.
Briwei: What if I wanted to make a free verse limerick?
CSeggelin:
Catch up because popular
Usage wins. Always.
CSeggelin: Then it would not be a limerick, because limericks require AABBA scheme
Briwei: If I say it's a limerick and get other people to do the same, then it is a limerick.
CSeggelin:
There was a young man from Kentucky,
Who ate a large quantity of chicken,
Then went to the crapper,
And pooped out some feathers,
And decided that perhaps he shouldn't have eaten them whole.
Briwei: LOL
Briwei: See!
Briwei: That's good stuff.
CSeggelin: Brian, yes, if you and a large number of other people started making limericks with no rhyme scheme, and calling them limericks, to the point where it became accepted into popular usage you would be correct.
CSeggelin: Good luck with that.
Briwei: The meter on the last line is a bit clunky, but otherwise, I like it.
Briwei: This is the age of the internet. Never understimate the power of one man and a stupid idea.
CSeggelin: But as far as I'm concerned "unrhymed" <> "rhyme scheme ABC". "unrhymed" = "no set rhyme scheme".
CSeggelin: Which means the occasional rhyme is on.
Briwei: I'll call my site www.deconstructingpoetry.com
Briwei: And I'll obliterate all formats as oppressive.
Briwei: I'll use your usage equals fact argument and start a movement.
Briwei: :)
CSeggelin: Well, your movement <> usage until popular culture buys into it.
CSeggelin: I would say that an occasional 6-7-5 or 5-8-5 would still be a haiku, whereas a set of 7-9-7's would not.
CSeggelin: Depends.
Briwei: Right. But by becoming a trendy counterculture, I virtually guarantee that people will want to buy into it.
Briwei: Academians will pan it, thus swelling my ranks.
CSeggelin: I think you're a little too swollen in the ranks today as it is.
Things got a bit sillier from there...
CSeggelin:
But Bri can't cast off his chains
The pain in the ass.
CSeggelin: Anxiously awaiting more Bri-ku
CSeggelin: Make sure it doesnt rhyme!!!
Briwei:
Your rhymes were intentional
Quit being a prat
Suddenly, inspiration hits Chuck. He will derail my counterculture by giving a name to my new meter.
CSeggelin: Hey!
CSeggelin: That's what you can call your 3-5-3 stuffr
CSeggelin: BRIKU
CSeggelin:
But Briku, but can
It rhyme?
Briwei: Absolutely NOT!
CSeggelin:
It's YOUR format--
Up to you.
Briwei: But I will not let vanity dissuade me from my quest.
CSeggelin:
Rhyme scheme only please
Are we clear?
Briwei: Are you going to form a counterculture group to compete and try to prevent my format from gaining acceptance as Haiku?
CSeggelin: YES!
CSeggelin: And I will do it by making the worst Brikus I can think of!
CSeggelin: MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Briwei: Excellent!
CSeggelin:
is this shite supposed
to be, huh?
Briwei: Dueling countercultures!
CSeggelin:
Shit I forgot what
To do here.
Briwei: Stop. You're killing me!
CSeggelin: LOL
Briwei: That's damn funny.
CSeggelin:
Is done. See you on
The flip side.
Briwei the Dancing Fool:
You are too funny!
Thanks a lot.
CSeggelin: HEY
CSeggelin: FUNNY RHYMES WITH PEE, ASSHOLE!!!!
CSeggelin: LOL
Briwei: But it loses the imagery if I change "pee" to "whizz"
Here is the definition from Merriam-WebsterOne entry found for haiku.
Main Entry: hai·ku
Pronunciation: 'hI-(")kü
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural haiku
Etymology: Japanese : an unrhymed verse form of Japanese origin having three lines containing usually 5, 7, and 5 syllables respectively; also : a poem in this form usually having a seasonal reference.
Dictionary.com also supports the "unrhymed" detail. So does Lynnea's teacher credential examination. The study guide highlighted the fact that haiku don't rhyme. She actually had to pick out the correct haiku from a group of four. Two had the correct syllables. One rhymed and the other didn't.
Here is yet another link that talks about the lack of rhyme in haiku.
But is that ALL the evidence? No! I found something else! Of course, it doesn't support my original point. But it does poke holes in the meter > rhyme argument. Check out The Definition of Haiku. It's a really good site that talks about the conventions surrounding the haiku.
According to this site, when translated to Russian,haiku are more often twenty syllables. In English, they are better at 12! That's practically 3-5-3. Briku anyone? :) According to this author, rhyme is not prohibited. However, neither is the number of syllables or lines!
I also saw an article (though I lost the link) that says that the original rule was 5-7-5 units. Someone arbitrarily decided that a unit was a syllable. But the effect of a syllable is not the same in English as in Japanese So, perhaps there is fluidity in the meter after all.
Either way, neither Chuck nor I can claim a complete victory here. If haiku can rhyme, than they can be flexed in all manner of ways.
I may be on to something with the counter culture thing, though. That could be fun!
Me so smaht!
| Your IQ Is 140 |
 Your Logical Intelligence is Genius Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius Your General Knowledge is Genius |
I don't believe the test to be an accurate predictor at 4-6 questions per area. But some of the questions were interesting. Hat tip to Kerri for the link. Read More......
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Blunt Head Trauma vs. The Sunny Attitude
I am having an internal struggle right now. I've been employing my new positive attitude since my move to California and the effects have been astounding. Or rather, I assume they have using some nonscientific analysis. I've felt better in general than I have in years. I'm sure it's not all attributable to my new attitude. The fact that I have more days of sunshine than ever before in my life likely helps as well. These are counterbalanced from distance to loved ones. Yet, I am still at a net mood positive. Too many factors to attribute it to one thing, but I believe the positive attitude helps...
Anyway, back to the subject at hand. I have a colossal headache this morning. I think it borders on a mild concussion, but Lynnea disagrees. This headache is at war with my upbeat nature. People ask how I am. I want to say "In pain!", but that's negative. And negative thoughts help perpetuate a negative mood. But "doing great!" isn't quite true, either. What's a ray of sunshine to do?
I can't even laugh about the reason for the headache, which is the titular "Blunt Head Trauma". I didn't do it in a particularly funny way. Josh had sandwiched himself between the ladder and the bunk bed. He has this cool fort/bunk bed with a ladder at one end and a slide running parallel at the other. So, his arms were on the ladder, behind his head. His feet were on the bed. His body was in that small space in between, folded in half. He was calling for help. Daddy to the rescue!
The unfortunate part is that he was in his room for a time out. He was just about to be released when he started yelling at me to let him out. I poked my head in to explain to him that yelling was not the best way to show me he had calmed down. I had a little trouble opening the door. I made the mistaken assumption that the banging which had been keeping him in timeout was made by the combination of various body parts and the door. It turns out that each bang was a series of books. Two shelves with, to be exact. They had made a series of bangs in ones and twos and now created an unstable layer on the floor. You see where this is going, don't you. So, do I. It might be getting a little funny after all.
So, I informed him that he could come out after he picked up all the books and then I closed the door. More yelling. More banging. I realized that I had probably backed him into a corner that was too much for him to get out of this late in the day. I checked with L. and she agreed that I could go back in and tell him we would clean it up together. I delivered my benevolent proclamation as I opened the door. That's when I found him doing his imitation of the human kraftmatic bed.
I moved to plan B. Extricate the child and then do the cleanup. The problem was the angle. I had to twist a bit and could only reach in with my bad hand. The one with the slow to heal hyper extended thumb. I pushed him up by his butt and had him on the bed when I started to lose my balance and he started to slip back. I gave him an extra forceful nudge with my hand. There was an equal and opposite reaction, thank you Mr. Newton. I was ready for it. I caught myself on the ladder which was conveniently within reach. It was also, somewhat less conveniently, not anchored to the ground. The moment arm of the ladder carried my momentum up and at an angle, instead of down and at an angle. The equal and opposite force? My feet and the floor. Or rather, it would have been the floor if not for the thin and unstable layer of paperback kids books. The books, and my feet, slid. The force carried me away from the ladder and I let go. At least I'll land on the soft rug. Whack! Well, except for the base of my skull. That landed on the edge of the slide.
Fortunately, I was crouching when I helped Josh. The force of a three foot fall onto unyielding wood is much nicer than a six foot fall.
I iced it and went to bed at eight last night. I woke a few times during the night, but in general slept until 6:15. I'm still tired. It's sensitive to the touch. There doesn't seem to be a lump. But the pain is radiating outward to my eyes.
Bleah! I mean, Woo hoo!
Masshole and proud!
Got this quiz from James' blog. Most of the readership is duplicate, but for the few that aren't, I thought the quiz would be fun. And it would be interesting to see how folks who don't or haven't lived there do. :)
| Townie!Wicked cool! You scored 35! |
| Wicked awesome! You're a true Masshole with the know-how to prove it. Book it to your nearest Friendly's and have a frappe. |
 |
My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
| Link: The Are you from Massachusetts? Test written by rachel_321 on OkCupid Free Online Dating |
Friday, June 03, 2005
Where's Jesus?
This time, the heavenly apparition decided to pop into an ultrasound. The mother says it's a clear sign that her baby is special. I think it's a clear sign that she's "special". I think it looks more like Groucho Marx wearing a hooded sweatshirt myslef.
And while we're on the subject of Jesus, I must confess a little disappointment in St. Matthew's Churches. You remember them. They're the peddlers of Screaming Purple Jesus. Well, I got a letter from them. Woo hoo! The second coming. I felt I had squandered my last one and wanted a chance to send them all kinds of crap and a chance to send SPJ on to a more deserving source. I opened it. No Jesus. No peace. Just a stupid paper prayer mat. Grrrrrrr.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Brain fitness tips
I picked up this link from a site James turned me on to. The site is called 43 Folders. It is so named for a particular filing system wherein you make a perpetual planner system using 43 folders, 31 for the days of the month and 12 for the different months. They have lots of good stuff on organizational habits and such, but they linked to this story that caught my eye. The article discusses a number of different approaches to improving your memory and brain power. The article doesn't offer detailed exercises, but it does point you in the right direction.
Read More......You know you use the internet a lot when...
You are having a dream, and, as the scene in your dream changes, you get a 404 error. I don't remember anything else about the dream.
Read More......Wednesday, June 01, 2005
A picture paints a thousand words
But I only need three or four from you. What is the first word or phrase that comes to your mind when you think of me? Ok. Now take that word or phrase and plug it in over at Google Image Search. Select one of the images from there and include a link to it in the comments section. Don't hotlink unless you really don't like the host of the image. :) Let me know if you decide to do it on your blog so I can comment there! Thanks to Kerri for the idea.
Edit: Don't tell me the word!
Curse you, Red Baron!
Ok. This post actually has nothing to do with the Red Baron. Or Snoopy. Or Charles Schultz. I'm just cursing my friend Steve for tagging me with a book meme on the same day my friend Kerri tagged me with an image meme. I saw Steve first, so I'll tackle his first. With trackbacky goodness!
Well, that's a tough one. We used to own more, but have moved twice in the last few years. The first move was a simplification move. We went from a bigger house to a smaller one. The second move was to California. Both times we pared down our stuff. The books were always hard to pare down. Let's see. We have a large bookcase each in the office and both kids' rooms. We have two small ones in our bedroom andI have a small one at work. I'd say we are around 800 books or so.
Hmmmm. When was the last time I BOUGHT a book. I've been making extensive use of the library. Usually, books we buy are education oriented either for the kids of for work for one of us. Or for presents. The last book I bought for me (unless you count audio books) was Object Oriented Perl by Damian Conway. The last audiobook I bought was C.S. Lewis' The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. The last audiobook I bought for ME was The Narrows by Michael Connelly.
Sourcery by Terry Pratchett. I still have a long way to go in this series, but I really enjoy the Discworld. Pratchett is one of those authors that actually makes me laugh out loud. I particularly enjoyed Mort wherein Death was a central character.
1. Impro - by Keith Johnstone
2. Last Chance to See - by Douglas Adams
3. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - by Steven Covey
4. The Hobbit - by J.R.R. Tolkien
5. The Case of the Sordid Affairs - by Kevin Dahm and Brian Weissman
I figure James will tap Chuck and Mike, so I'll ping Kerri, NM, Jocelyn, and Robin.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.
Jocelyn pointed me to Kingdom Identity Ministries, an incredibly racist and not shy about it group. They say they are a not for profit organization, which I believe gives them tax exempt status. So, apparently, these hate mongers can peddle such wonderful items as this:
and this:
And I won't even get into their portrayal of Jews on the site.
Yes, I know I'm hot linking. I'm doing it on purpose out of spite. I think we should hotlink to their stuff everywhere we can and hose their servers. It just bothers me to think that people can support this hate and get a tax deduction for doing it.
My Boss is So Cool
I may have mentioned before how much I like my boss. Well, he reaffirmed his coolness this morning. He has been working on a new test tool for exercising the laser at higher communications speeds. Current communications are at 9600 baud and the customer wants to go to 115k. And they want a prototype by the end of June! So, he had to get this tool designed, built, and the PLD coded ASAP. This morning he was ready to give folks a demo. The purpose of the communications is to alter the frequency and duration of the laser firing on the fly and at high speeds. Can you think of an application of technology where modifying frequency and duration might produce an entertaining result. I know I had thought of it in the past, but never got around to doing it. He hooked up his tool, ran a script, and the laser played the Dutch National Anthem!
Read More......Sunday, May 29, 2005
Nostalgia: 101 Things...
I found this list recently. Some friends and I created it whilst students at WPI, sitting in the "Wedge". Some of the references are dated. And of course, you could really put just about anything on the list. I think some of the humor comes from the sequencing and some from the items themselves. I disctinctly remember H. and Bull and I think Glenn MgGuire, but I don't remember who else was there doing this with us. In my less enlightened days, I read the list aloud to my fiancee while she had a UTI...
101 THINGS YOU DO NOT WANT TO PASS THROUGH YOUR URETHRA
1. the Eiffel Tower
2. a porcupine
3. 700 gallons of Old Spice
4. 200 pounds of rigatoni (uncooked)
5. a calculus book
6. a curling iron
7. rock salt
8. a swarm of hornets
9. an IBM PC
10. a Yugo
11. the USS Wisconsin
12. a row of staples
13. a 2 liter bottle
14. a baby's toy block
15. a cinder block
16. toy jacks
17. China
18. a WWI German helmet (you know, the ones with the spike...)
19. a reactor fuel rod
20. New Order (the band)
21. a CD
22. Napalm
23. a gasoline pump
24. a heavy breasted cow
25. an armidillo
26. Mothra
27. a 15 foot by 8 inch Boa Constrictor
28. Cthulhu
29. Hastur
30. the Quad
31. President Bush
32. a pit bull
33. a Jehovah's Witness
34. 50' Constantina wire
35. The New York subway system
36. Chainmail
37. a bastard sword
38. a yard-shaft
39. an electric cattle prod and the Honda generator it's connected to
40. a brontasaurus
41. a Saturn V rocket
42. Saturn
43. a rhinoceros beetle
44. the national deficit
45. Jesse Helms
46. Ed Meese
47. Tammy Faye Bakker
48. A PC motherboard
49. a running weedwhacker
50. Wyoming
51. Martha Ray's dentures
52. a tasmanian devil
53. the entire Rolling Stones collection on 8-track
54. a little cupcake baked by the devil
55. a 17 piece Zildjian (tm) cymbal set
56. Niel Peart
57. a Massingale douche
58. a class ring
59. a rectal thermometer
60. AT&T
61. The Roman-Catholic Church
62. A Kimodo dragon
63. The Boston Symphony Orchestra
64. Rosanne Barr
65. a Zambonie
66. a Pan flute
67. Zamfir
68. a polar ice cap (either one)
69. Gary Coleman
70. the Voyager II
71. a wire brush
72. super-critical weapons-grade uranium (any amount)
73. a hot branding iron
74. the Persian Gulf (with mines)
75. the Winged Victory of Samonthrace
76. a WWII sea-mine
77. a mountain gorilla
78. Mt. Everest
79. a Lamborghini Countach
80. a Broken Flourescent Bulb
81. a life raft in the process of inflating
82. DAKA
83. a bamboo thicket
84. a giant sequoia
85. a humpback whale
86. a fishhook
87. a meathook
88. an icepick
89. a grappling hook
90. a hydro-electric turbine (not turbin)
91. a wheat combine harvester
92. a drill press
93. the complete works of Nathaniel Hawthorne
94. 700 pounds of fiberglass insulation
95. a discus
96. 12M hydrochloric acid
97. a skinhead
98. a chainsaw
99. Zsa Zsa Gabor
100. the Boston turnpike
101. this list.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
My First Review!
I'm so excited! The North County Times sent a reviewer out to the show last Sunday. This is what she had to say. The short form is that she liked and recommended the show. The longer form is that I got my own paragraph. :)
Brian Weissman adds more than comic relief with his portrayal of Vernon Hines, the man in charge of timing all of the productivity in the factory. His exaggerated movements add to his musical numbers: "I'll Never Be Jealous Again," "Racing With the Clock," "Think of the Time I Save" and the title tune. Weissman is making his California stage debut in this Patio Playhouse production.
She also had some nice things to say about the movie we did for the dream sequence. Between this and the TV spot we did for the local news show, we ought to be playing to some packed houses! Read More......
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
People who make you sick
I want to preface this by saying that I am all for fair representation. I believe in innocent until proven guilty. But this guy bugs me. I hear ads for him on the radio all the time. He is a criminal defense attorney who specializes in DUI cases. His site includes a list of 10 tips for avoiding conviction if you are pulled over for drunk driving. Number six gives you an idea of the thrust of his advertising:
6. Choose a urine test if at all possible. It is the most unreliable of the three chemical tests (blood, breath, or urine).
In his commercials, he talks about people he has gotten off who blew a 0.2 on the breathalyzer and he got them their license back. I may be off base, but the impression I get from his ads is "If you're guilty, come see me. I know the tricks to get you back on the road and drinking and driving again."
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Happy Birthday Auntie Sam!
Ok. It's my youngest sister's birthday, today. Not telling you how old she is. But I wanted to wish her a very public Happy Birthday. I especially wanted to do that since her birthday card is sitting right here on my desk, as are the hand made ones from the kids. They were done in plenty of time to be there on time. Some bozo just didn't go to the post office. Three guesses who the bozo is, he said whilst covering up his red nose and floppy shoes.
Read More......Monday, May 23, 2005
I know something!
I'm not sure when it happened. But I know something about the work they pay me to do. In fact, I know several somethings. I solved a problem that had three more senior engineers stumped all last week. I solved it in under two hours. Not because of superior skill, but because of knowledge! I had heard of something similar before and knew how that was fixed. I was also able to point out where some signals were coming from on a circuit diagram and show another member of the team which registers to read them from. And I'll be doing a tools training session later this week. I guess what I'm saying is that I have somehow become a useful member of the company! I've found a role and I like it!
Read More......Back from the abyss!
No, not me. I don't think I've been in the abyss for a while. Unless you count my evening free time because of rehearsals. I've managed to blog through that. I just haven't seen my family much. No, I'm referring to my friend Steve, proprietor of Absit Invidia. Bloglines is mistakenly showing him with no new content. He's been posting again for at least a week. If you like good commentary on the state of our society, this is a good blog to read. Steve's a conservative, but not a right wing ideologue. He's the type of conservative with whom you can engage in a policy debate and never hear things like "Why do you hate America?". If you have a decent point, you may even get a concession out of him.
Read More......Saturday, May 21, 2005
Finally! A music quiz I can endorse.
I found this one via my friend Jocelyn. I don't just like it because I did well. After all, compared to my demographic, I only beat 19%! But the subject matter was something I could appreciate...The Veteran
You scored 86%!
You've picked up the majority of the classic rock basics. You probably have a classic rock collection and can sing along with most of the songs on your local radio station. This is not the highest score, but it is arguably the best: that subtle combination of impressive knowledge and not being a pretentious geek.
My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:You scored higher than 19% on notes Link: The BASIC classic rock Test written by allmydays on Ok Cupid
Friday, May 20, 2005
Order of the Stick
My friend Paul has turned me on to a very funny gamer comic. No, I'm not referring to Knights of the Dinner Table. It's great, but many of you already know THAT one. I'm not referring to Dork Tower. Also fabulous, but also not the one of which I speak. It's called The Order of the Stick and is a truly impressive satire on the D20 D&D system and D&D in general. I've added a badge to link to them down in my badges sidebar. There are currently 180-ish strips in the archive. Start at #1. It's worth it. See if you can spot which character Pat Campbell would be.
Read More......Another black eye for the Church
In Montgomery, Alabama, a pregnant senior refuses to bow to an order from her Catholic high school forbidding her from walking across the stage at graduation. They claimed it was for 'safety reasons', but her name was not listed in the program and she was not announced as a graduate. The guy who got her pregnant? He was allowed to participate. Apparently, premarital sex is not a sin, but getting pregnant is.
Read More......Thursday, May 19, 2005
Pirates - Arrrrr!
So, a long while back, in the coming attractions, I mentioned something about pirates. I didn't offer any other details. Just mentioned it. Well, now is the time for that story to see the light of day. Pretty soon, I'll have written about all the things I said I would. Then, perhaps I'll have to post some new previews... *grin*
As many of you know, I have been practicing to be a storyteller. Eventually, I'd like to do it semi-professionally. A part of that is finding a persona and a style for yourself. I intend to have multiple personae to broaden my appeal, but I think my first one is going to be a pirate. I have a number of friends that work the Rennaissance Faire circuit out here, so I have an *in* as it were to a number of gigs. However, I still need to have an act that fits. For some reason that I cannot fathom, pirate characters are big on the circuit. I mean, I understand that it appeals to kids in particular, but pirate lore and culture has been pretty romanticized over the years. Not to mention the fact that the golden age of piracy was later than the time period of most faires. Regardelss, there are a number of pirate guilds that show up at the faires such as HMS Stranglehold and The Black Gryphon. There is also a very good singing pirate duo, Siler and Clarc.
So, the pirate infrastructure is there. In spite of this, there are no pirate storytellers. There are multiple pirate singing groups, however. This means I'm not horning in on someone else's territory and will likely be able to "gig" with the other pirates while bringing something new to the table. The other local storytellers on the circuit have their own very different themes. My two favorites are The Patchwork Players and A Fool and His Family. They both have their own takes on classic fairy tales that would be different from mine.
Of course, the main reason to do it is it would be fun! That other stuff just means it's doable. All I need are some stripey satin pants in a garish color combination and a long bandana. I have the rest of the outfit, more or less. Maybe a sash to add to the mix. Oh yes. I also need an act. *grin*
I have the format of the act already set. Typically, at a faire, you get a 30-45 minute slot. You spend the first five drumming up the crowd and the last five guilting the patrons into giving you money. The rest is where you do your story.
For the opening, I'm going to tell pirate jokes to draw the crowd in. It will also help me gauge how responsive the crowd is and let me know who my likely audience participants are. I've begun a search for pirate jokes. I've already got a few, but am always on the lookout for more. Send me your pirate jokes! You can do it in the comments or in e-mail. Here are the ones I have so far.
Q: What's a Pirate's favorite letter?
A: Arrrrrrr!
Side note: I tried this joke out on Josh. The exchange went something like this.
Me: I have a joke for you.
Josh: Ok.
Me: What's a Pirate's favorite letter?
Josh: E?
Me: No.
Josh: S?
Me: No.
Josh: Q?
Me: Why would it be Q?!?
Josh: I don't know.
Me: Want me to tell you?
Josh: Yes.
Me: It's Arrrrrrr!
Josh: *giggle* Ok. Ask me again.
Me: Ok. What's a Pirate's favorite letter?
Josh: E?
That's almost funnier than the joke itself. There are variations on that same joke, but I figure that one will reach the widest audience. Here are a few other examples of that theme.
Q: Why couldn't the pirate go to the movie?
A: It was rated Arrrrr!
Q: How does a pirate get to his ship?
A: By carrrrrrrr!
Q: Where does a pirate get a drink when he's on shore?
A: A barrrrrrr!
Q: How does a pirate navigate?
A: By starrrrrrrrr!
You get the idea. Josh did, too. He just thought the game was funny for a while. Here are the others.
Q: How much did the pirate's peg leg and hook cost?
A: An arm and a leg!
Q: How much does it cost a pirate for a piercing?
A: A buck an ear!
Q: Why does a pirate wear an eye patch over one eye?
A: If he wore it over both eyes, he wouldn't be able to see!
* * * * *
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them pooped in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird poop!"
"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."
* * * * *
This pirate walks into a bar with a big ship's wheel down his pants. The bartender says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know you have a ship's wheel down the front of your pants?" And the pirate says, "Aye, and it's driving me nuts!!"
* * * * *
So, I'm planning to tell pirate stories and classic fairy tales recast with pirate characters. The problem is, I'm having a bear of a time finding any pirate stories. I found a Polish/Jewish folktale called "The Pirate Princess" which will make a really good tell, but I need others. So, if any of you know any pirate stories, or have ideas for how to turn classic tales into pirate tales, let me know. I'll probably start a separate pirate page using my ISP account! Arrrrrrrrrrrr!
Riddle me this...
Some sad news. Frank Gorshin, best known for his portrayal of the Riddler in the campy Batman series will riddle no more.
Read More......Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Finger no longer pointing at Wendy's
It appears there has been a 'Major Development' In the Chili Finger Case. Surprise, surprise. The woman with a history of spurious lawsuits is at it again. They know to whom the finger belongs and he just happens to know Ms. Ayala. Or rather, he is an acquaintance of her husband's. Apparently, this was part of a scheme to *gasp* get money from Wendy's. Wonder if this case is covered in Dubya's tort reform?
Read More......Since when does the government want to be fair?
I recently stumbled across a tax reform proposal that is gaining some traction out there. I've been reading about it and trying to sort out fact from fiction. It's called the Fair Tax. Right out of the gate, the name gives me pause, as does the animated flag flying on the page, but I am trying to be open minded about this...
The short form of the tax is that it is a national sales tax. All new goods are taxed while no used goods are. So, a new house is taxed. A previously owned house is not. The rate of tax is 30%. (They say 23%, but they mean that the tax is 23% of the total after the tax is figured in.) Services also appear to be taxed as well. So, you'd pay an additional 30% to visit the doctor. This is offset by the abolition of the Payroll, Social Security, Medicare, and Federal Income Tax. This will also supposedly lead to the disbanding of the IRS. The piece that makes it interesting and worth actually thinking about is the rebate. Every household gets a rebate equal to tax that would be collected on necessities. This amount is standardized by the number of people in your household. A couple with two children would receive $465 each month, regardless of how much sales tax they paid that month. So, if you are below the poverty level, you get back more than you put in. This is what makes it effectively graduated. The more you spend, the more tax you pay. The more you pay, the smaller the rebate is in comparison.
The site touts many benefits. This is a tax neutral plan, so the government revenues stay the same as under the current system. Since it eliminates payroll taxes and tax compliance costs, manufacturers can sell their goods for less and pay their employees more. This is constantly referred to as beating hidden taxation. Because the goods cost less, there is no real impact on your wallet from the new tax. If something cost $10 before. The price would drop to around 7.70, such that the "fair tax" would bring it back to $10 again. Consumption is also allegedly more stable than income as a tax base. Even when people lose their jobs, they use savings to buy stuff. Other benefits include getting rid of the IRS, tax laawyers, and tax professionals. But even they would not be impacted because they are smart people and would have enough advance notice to retrain.
They also have answers for charitable giving and mortgage interest. Both of these are deductible under income tax, but are not under fair tax. Apparently, this is ok, because the fair tax wll drive interest rates down. This will save you more on your mortgage than you gain by the interest deductions. And you are paying the mortgage with post tax dollars under the income tax. Depending on your income level, you only get a percentage of the interest back. With the "fair tax" you have more dollars to begin with, so you manage a net gain.
As I said, I am skeptical, but have yet to find an unbiased analysis of the proposal. If you read any of the pro fair tax sites out there, you'l find that the fair tax will solve all the country's problems. Since manufacturers can lower prices, our products will be in higher demand overseas. There are a number of things to be skeptical about. And that is going beyond the name, the animated flag, and the ringing endorsement that Tom DeLay is for it and President Bush is considering it. Given the amount of tax dodging these guys do now, how likely is it that they will put forth a plan where their burden is higher?
The whole thrust of this plan is that the rich consume at a higher rate because they can afford to. So, this hits them more. Yet every example they show proves that the fair tax is less than the income tax. If it is less for every individual, and there are no payroll, income, or corporate taxes, how is it revenue neutral. Also, in cases where the fair tax clearly offers no benefit, they seem to be manufacturing one. Take charitable giving, for example. They state that 70% of people don't itemize, so the charitable giving deduction is pointless anyway. Further, with more money in their pockets, people will be as generous if not more so. They don't say what percentage of charitable deductions come from people who don't itemize, yet they conclude that the charity take will increase. Logic dictates that people who don't itemize get a bigger benefit from the standard deduction. I think it is at least as safe an assumption as the one the fair tax people are making to say that the 30% who itemize count for as much, if not more, charitable giving as the 70% who don't.
Moreover, the plan looks like glorified trickle down economics. On Monday, my take home pay goes up. By Wednesday, prices have dropped around the country to reflect the cost savings on goods production. Because a company that suddenly had extra money would NATURALLY pass it on to the consumer, right?
This has rambled and meandered a bit. What I'd like is for someone to either show me unbiased evidence that a national sales tax is a good thing or, failing that, help me to organize the opposition.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
I love search terms
I decided to check my blog stats today because I was concerned that I haven't seen many comments of late. I thought perhaps my inconsistency had finally driven my friends away. However, looking at the stats, I saw a huge spike in traffic this week and was curious. Some of it is from familiar faces, but there were also a few first time visitors. I looked at some of the searches and had a good laugh. The combination of the joke I posted and the electricity lesson combined to move me into some bizarre neighborhoods. If you do a google search on "+penis +electricity", I come in at number 8. If you search for "reason for penis is shorting", I'm all the way up to #4! That's my contribution to the blogosphere. Perhaps I should change my name to Richard and rename this to Lightning Dick's Amazing Weblog!
Read More......Dumbass
How's this for a stupid idea? This guy is starting a movement to have people wear red on Fridays as a way of showing support for the troops. As if these non-support fads hadn't invaded my life enough. How many guys over there do you think even stop to think what we're wearing back here? And if you were a soldier, and you saw a bunch of people in red on a Friday, would that make you feel any better about what you had to do or had just done? "I have to leave my newborn child for six months, but those red shirts make it all worth it."
Apparently, the red is to symbolize the blood spilled. Perhaps we should wear green on Tuesdays to symbolize all the money we've sunk into the war. You know. As a way of supporting the troops. Mondays will be blue for dual symbolism. First, it symbolizes the ocean separating us from our loved ones. Second, blue can also mean sad, and we are sad that they are away. Wednesdays will be purple, to symbolize all the purple hearts given out to soldiers maimed in battle. If we all wear purple, it's like we're telling the soldiers, "When you get hurt, WE get hurt." Weekends, you can wear what you want. Nobody wants to support the troops on the weekend. That's OUR time. We can't be thinking of colors while we are out spending and consuming. So, let's recap:
Blue Monday
Green Tuesday
Purple Wednesday
Red Friday
Free nights and weekends
Oh, and if you wear yellow on Thursday, you're a fag.
Edit: Apparently, this was just a Fall River thing. When I was in seventh grade, if you wore anything yellow on a Thursday, you were considered to be a homosexual. Since I didn't want another reason to be ridiculed and abused, I steered clear.
More Monday Morning Munchies
Well, it was my turn this week. Actually, it wasn't. It was Mike's turn. But he no longer works in our department. So, it is unlikely he would bring us breakfast. We decided to just shift everyone after him back by one week. That meant it was Karma's turn. But she was going to be in training all week. I graciously agreed to swap turns with her so that the breakfast would arrive.
I brought bagels.
And everyone I saw thanked me for them.
Monday, May 16, 2005
Allergy Friendly Foods
My reporter friend Jenn pointed this website out to me. It's a company devoted to making good tasting foods that are truly free of various allergens. Their mixes are nut free, dairy free, egg free, vegan, and Kosher. The frostings are gluten free. According to Jenn, when she stopped in for the interview, they made her the chocolate chip cookies and they were very tasty. If I can find the link to her story, I'll add it.
Read More......Oh, snap!
There's your daily dose of youth lingo. I've heard it from time to time on TV, but hadn't heard it in real life until this past weekend. In the past, the context I had heard it in made me think it meant something along the lines of "Boy, he/she realy got you good." It usually came on the heels of someone dissing another person with a clever line. the meaning is apparently broader.
So, we were at the beach and Maya and I were headed out to the waves to boogie board. As we stepped into the shallows, I saw what looked to be a lost article of clothing slowly drifiting in. It was a whitish color with purple piping. I thought perhaps some guy had lost his swim trunks. As I got closer, I realized, it wasn't a swim suit. It was a jellyfish larger than my head! And it was mere inches from the foot of a ten-year old boy. I grabbed him and pulled him up, no doubt startling him. I said "There's a HUGE jellyfish right behind you. You almost got stung." He turned around in disbelief and saw it. "Oh, SNAP!" he said as he jumped away from it.
Oh, snap, indeed.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Pink is for Predator
Here's an interesting article that tests the line between civil liberties and the public good. In Ohio, they have a law that requires convicted drunk drivers to have a special license plate identifying them. They want to do the same for sex offenders...
Opponents argue that once they pay their debt, they should not be further stigmatized with the equivalent of a scarlet A around their necks. To a certain extent, I agree. Add to that the fact that if you had a special plate on your car that said "Sex Offender" and you wanted to go out and commit another offense, you wouldn't take that car. Heck, if you wanted to go to a job interview, you wouldn't take it. It would also set these people up for profiling, I'm sure.
Still, it would make it tougher for them to commit those crimes again. And if you did see a car with a sex offender plate near a playground, you are likely going to pay even closer attention assuming you don't leave. What do you think?
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Cute Jewish Joke
My Dad sent me this joke. Surprisingly, I hadn't heard it before! I especially like it because the protagonist is named Yankel...
Yankel Goldstein, in his late 80s and still gainfully employed as a ribbon salesman, had been trying, unsuccessfully, to sell ribbon to JC Penney's for many years.
Last month, he was making another attempt and was speaking to the buyer, who was a notorious Anti-Semite. "Goldstein," the buyer said, "you've been trying to sell ribbon to me for at least 25 years. Now is your chance. Send me some yellow ribbon, enough to reach from the tip of your nose to the tip of your penis."
Three days later, four tractor trailers full of yellow ribbon drove up to the receiving dock of Penney's. The ribbon buyer went ballistic.
He called Goldstein and said, "I ordered yellow ribbon, enough to reach from the tip of your nose to the tip of your penis, and you sent me four tractor trailers full of ribbon."
Goldstein replied, " Yes, the tip of my penis is in Tel Aviv
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Outsourcing with a twist
Picked up this story a little while back. Seems a company called Sea Code is determined to test the limits of off-shore exploitation by importing a cruise ship full of foreign software professionals for the purposes of outsourcing. By having their "office" in international waters, they are hoping to skirt immigration, taxation, and other payroll laws, all the while screwing the American worked in the name of improving profits and dividends for the participants of the ownership culture. Can't wait to see how this plays out.
Read More......The Dangers of Alligator Clips
Maya has an educational electricity experiment kit. Last night, it was decided that I would give a multi-level lesson on electricity for my wife and both kids. L needs the information for the final part of her teacher credential examination. Maya and Josh need the information on general educational principles. Besides, electricity is cool! So, we started with the first experiment, wherein we learn that electricity travels in a loop...
The materials that come with the set make it pretty scalable and I had gotten them all to catch on to the concept that electricity requires a closed path to travel. I used some of the more technical terms like votage, current, and reisitance for L. Then it was time for the kids to make circuits. Took a nice, low voltage, low danger C cell (not included) and added it to the bulb assembly with two terminals, the rubber band, and two colored wires with alligator clips at either end. The rubber band wraps around the battery and hold the clips in place without draining voltage or shorting the circuit. Then the clips go to the buld. Josh had a lot of fun closing and opening the circuit and observing the light toggle. Then Maya took a turn.
We played with the for a bit. The I swapped out the light for a mini motor and we made a fan, a pinwheel, and a color wheel. While the kids were enjoying that, I showed L visually what series and parallel circuits were and why houses tended to be wired in parallel. It made a lot more sense to her than the book did. After a while, it was time for me to go to rehearsal. I left the kids in the kitchen coloring color wheels while I went into the office to check something for L before I left.
We were in the office for maybe five minutes when we hear a high pitched screaming from the kitchen. Clearly Maya was being hurt and it wasn't a sudden injury that stopped. Fron the panic in her voice, this was continuous. We raced out to the kitchen to save her. L was thinking she was being electrocuted and I was thinking there is NO way she was being electrocuted from a C battery. When we got out there, she was indeed attached to the wire. I did a split second exam and determined that hte circuit was not closed, so I followed the other wire. The alligator clip was on the end of her tongue! And she was not strong enough to open it.
I extricated her from the wire and rushed her over to the sink. Not surprisingly, the clip had drawn a good amount of blood. We finally settled on a popsicle for soothing both the emotional and physical hurt.
Before soothing her, I gave her a lecture on never putting any part of an electricity experiment into her mouth. L informed her that she could have died. I reined her back from that a bit, but emphasized the seriousness of the situation. I mentioned the name. Alligator clip. I asked if she thought something like that might be dangerous and inquired as to what she was doing. "I couldn't get it opened. So I was opening it with my mouth." she told me between sobs. Apparently, it slipped out from between her teeth and caught her tongue. And she couldn't get it undone.
As the adrenaline wore off, I realized she must be in a lot of pain and switched to a more soothing tone. We had a little snuggle and I rubbed her back. I joked with her about the danger a bit and gradually she began to feel better. Hopefully, she has learned her lesson. However, I am going to do a little shock experiment with the clips and her tonge, just so she can understand the danger. :)
Monday, May 09, 2005
New Sign is Up
Thanks to Mike for the suggested text! Stay tuned for public reaction.
Update:
A confluence of events has made the choice of sign even more interesting. Andy forgot that it was his turn and did not bring anything in. So, the sign is about munchies being banned is hanging over an empty table. Most people aren't reading far enough to see that they have been banned from being banned. They just think the munchies have been banned. :) I love spreading chaos.
Saturday, May 07, 2005
Thought for the day
When wearing sandals outside all day, you need to sunscreen the tops of your feet. I learned that the hard way today. I mean, I knew it on some level, but forgot because it has been years since I had a pair of sandals worth wearing. However, I just recently acquired a pair of Tevas and thought there was a better than average chance that I would be getting wet during Josh's and my outing. I turned out to be wrong, of course. But I wore the sandals in anticipation. Nice 75 degree sunny day on the California coast plus Tevas equals pink, itchy feet.
Read More......Friday, May 06, 2005
Ban the Gay Books!
I found an interesting article over on Legal Fiction. Apparently, a lawmaker in Alabama wants to prevent Alabama libraries from buying books that are written by or about homosexuals. He doesn't want to reward the lifestyle as it is unacceptable. I'm not going to do a parade of links here, as that is pretty well covered on the post. There's also an amusing piece of fiction over there stemming from this proposal. The title is "MINUTES OF THE SUBCOMMITTEE ON PUBLIC MORALS - ALABAMA STATE LEGISLATURE" It's funny. Have a look.
Read More......Sign Wars - Update
Well, I've gotten a little more fun out of this. Not sure how far I'll take it, but I think it needs to go at least one more week. Here's what happened. I put up this sign: 
I did it Tuesday morning before anyone got here. So, there were no witnesses. I spent much of the rest of the day in the lab, so I was never really in the area, although I did swing by at one point to glance at the sign from the end of the row. People had already begun graffiti-ing it. The revised sign said something to the effect of "Donuts are FDA approved for Monday Morning Munchies. Donuts are healthy and give me gas."
Karma asked me about the 'donut' sign. "What sign?" I asked innocently. "The sign about the donuts," she told me helpfully. I went over to look and had a laugh. She asked again, "Was that you?" I lied. "Nope." She was flustered. "Then who did it? Gene said it wasn't him." She had asked Gene if he thought it was me. He snorted and said, "Ya think?" He had seen my efforts to match the font the preceding week. Of course he kindly withheld those details. Gene and I helpfully pointed out the other practical jokers in the department. She dutifully went to them all and showed them the sign. They all denied it.
I was quite pleased with this turn of events. The sign was getting far more exposure than it would have if she had just ignored it. There were no donuts left and so, there was no reason for anyone to look there. She gave them a reason. She asked me three more times during the course of the day whether or not I had done it. I repeated my innocence, but not too strongly. I didn't want to arouse suspicion. "I asked 10 people and none of them had done it." "Maybe you just asked the wrong people," I suggested. "No. That's almost half our group." Obviously, if she has asked 10 out of 28 people, and hasn't gotten the answer, it can't be had.
She said that she didn't care, but her zeal to find out suggested otherwise. I live to fight another day. Suggestions for next Monday's sign? My first thought is lacking something:
Recent Comments Are Up!
I have finished installing the recent comments hack I was talking about. The hack works great, but my RSS is a little wonky. As such, time and date are not presently available. But as the comments are from most recent to least and there is a snippet there, you ought to be able to tell where you left off. The box is just below my profile. The format is [hyperlink to comment][name] - [comment snippet]. If you pause the mouse over the hyperlink, a tooltip will pop up telling you which post it is connected to. I am hoping to figure it out enough that I can make the post name display and be a link to the post while the comment text is the link to the comment. But, it is done for now. What do you think?
Read More......Thursday, May 05, 2005
Software Engineers
Here's an important tip when working with software engineers. See if you can spot my mistake. I am the safety coordinator for our department. (No, volunteering for the post was not the mistake.) As such, I am responsible for conducting a 30 minute safety training once a month for eight months of the year. I don't have to do it, I just have to see that it gets done and that everyone is accounted for. I hunt down the stragglers and such. Of course, I do do it, because it's fun...
Well, these engineers always complain that the topics are lame and contrived and are a waste of our time. The fact is, our accident, injury, and illness rates are extremely low, resulting in good insurance rates, resulting in bonuses. So, all in all, they are not a waste of time. Anyway. Whenever I get after people about one of my meetings, they grouse. I repeatedly ask for feedback. They have none. I sent out a form asking for suggstions. Got 0 back.
So, today, I decided to make it even easier for them. I found a list of all the available topics and sent it out to them. I even put X's next to the topics that had been covered in the last several months. All they had to do is tell me which topic they wanted, or propose a new one so we could develop it.
Here is the list.
X Fire Safety
X MSDs
X Back Injury Prevention
Compressed Gas Safety
X Electrical Safety
X Ergonomics Safety
Freight Elevator
Hand Tool Safety
Hazcom Safety
Hearing Protection
X Heat Stress
X Housekeeping
X Laser Safety
Material Handling
Portable Power Tool Safety
PPE Safety
Pulse Power HV Safety
Shiftwork
Solvents
X Stress Management
Team Up For Safety
Hydrogen Bromide
Workers Comp-Injury Reporting
EAP Tailgate
Respiratory Protection
Injury Illness Prevention Program (IIPP)
Fork-lift Refresher Training
Hand Protection
X Environmental Awareness Training
Did you spot the mistake?
Feliz Cinco de Mayo a Todos!
That's right, today is Cinco de Mayo, or as my daughter likes to call it, Cinco de Maya! Living on the border of Mexico as we do, this holiday takes on a much greater significance. We weren't ready for it and unfortunately missed a really great festival downtown. There were multiple stages, crafts, and food! Blast! We'll definitely keep our eyes open for next year. There are plenty of events tonight, but I have rehearsal, so we will be holding our own mini-celebration. I already celebrated at work with some carne asada soft tacos with habanero tomatillo salsa! And a churro! Mui delicioso.
By the way, who knows what Cinco de Maya celebrates? And don't say "the 5th of May".
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Recent Comments - WIP
I'm working on implementing a "Recent Comments" section in the sidebar. It is nearly complete, but there is a bug somewhere in my co-opted version of the code. When it works correctly, you will just have a name and date. If you mouse over the comment, it will tell you the name of the post as if it were a tool tip. Stay tuned!
Read More......Monday, May 02, 2005
Sign Wars
And now it's time for more insight into the mind of Karma. I am using the words insight and mind loosely here. Don't worry, Chuck. She hasn't upset or annoyed me in any way. She just reacted to something in her own, inimitable, worst possible way and I decided to tweak her about it indirectly...
First, a little background. We have a program in our department called Monday Morning Munchies. Anyone can participate. All you do is sign up. Signing up entitles you to partake of the breakfast spread brought in by the current week's scheduled participant. In return, on your week, you bring in enough for everybody on Monday morning. Simple enough. However, it needs to be coordinated so that people know when their turn is. Someone has to maintain and post the list. This is Karma's responsibility. Apparently, with great responsibility comes great power.
You see, Karma doesn't like bagels. She'll eat them if someone brings chocolate chip bagels or cinnamon sugar covered bagels. But she won't like it. The problem is, most of the department likes bagels. So bagels have accounted for roughly half the breakfasts of late. Perhaps not that much, but definitely the last two weeks in a row. Not good. Last week was bagels again.
Now, if a reasonable person were in this situation, there are a number of things they might do. See if you can guess how Karma responded. Did she...
a) Drop out of the voluntary program, hand the reigns over to someone else, and take responsibility for her own breakfast since the communal one was no longer meeting her needs?
b) Send a polite request to all the participants that some people don't like bagels and suggest that bringing more than one type of item for breakfast or staggering the frequency of the bagels might be an improvement on the system.
c) Issue a decree banning bagels from the breakfast rotation.
Naturally, the answer is 'c' as I wouldn't feel the need to write about A or B. She made a sign and hung it over the munchies. The sign decreed:Attention: Bagels are now banned from Monday Morning Munchies.
One of the participants asked her what was wrong with bagels. She complained that she didn't like them and anyway, these weren't good bagels.
That last bit struck me as an odd and insensitive thing to say within earshot of the person who brought the bagels. Especially given how she regularly attacks me for being insensitive and self-centered. I think that was what ultimately compelled me to act. Or perhaps it was the rationalization that allowed me not to feel badly about acting. ;)
My first salvo was benign. I used white out tape to make the "now" into a "not". It was noticeable as I used a blue pen and the rest of the sign was bold, black font. I thought it might amuse the repressed peoples of Munchieland. Karma's response was as swift as it was unimaginative. She pulled the whiteout tape off, restoring the sign to its original pristine quality.
Round two was really more like round 1a. I felt my original mockery had not been given a fair shake. So, I used a marker to change to 'w' to a 't'. Again, it was obvious because, well, a 'w' does not convert to a 't' particularly well. But the sentiment was there and it had a certain graffiti-rebellion aspect to it. I was stickin' it to the man. So to speak.
Again she was afforded an opportunity to keep the conflict entertaining or to submit. Again she failed. In fairness, I doubt she even tried. This time, she crossed out "not" and wrote "now" in above it. The sign read as it originally had, but now was a bit defaced.
Well, I could have been childish and just changed it back again. I might have even been able to make it look unchanged while changing it. But I am not that kind of person. I went in a different childish direction! Since the word "now" was offset, it had space on either side of it. Plenty of room to add letters both fore and aft. This, I though, was a more creative escalation. After some editing, the sign now read:Attention: Bagels are
Not the "now" cleverly hidden in the new text. now not known to be banned from Monday Morning Munchies.
She had to realize at this point that a simple cross-out was not going to get it done. She had to know she needed to take it to the next level. Didn't she? Sadly, no. I searched my mind for other possibilities. Was she just joking around? I suppose I can't dismiss that, although I strongly doubt it. What is funny about banning bagels? Maybe she was trying to pretend she was a petty tyrant for comedic effect. But she defended her stance so seriously. Well, if she was kidding, or even if she wasn't, this was the ideal opportunity to unleash the "just kidding" defense. Laugh at the rest of us over getting worked up over a joke. End of situation.
Which is, of course, why she didn't.
I wandered by around lunch time to see what had transpired. And to get a bagel. Contrary to Karma's belief, these were actually very good bagels. I glanced up and noticed that all the handwritten edits were gone. There was a new and clean sign. It contained the same information as before, plus an education bit. Attention: Bagels are now banned from Monday Morning Munchies.
Bagels are unhealthy and fattening.
This was a twist I hadn't seen. A justification for the ban. And such a wise and sensible one, too. Especially when you consider that Karma's preferred breakfast choices are brownies, pastries, donuts, and Costco mega-muffins! All of those are far more healthful fare.
I was torn. I could go a few ways now. Do, I help support the ban and further ban any refined foods? I could post new guidelines under her sign. As a plus, it would have good health and social commentary. It would force her to a position she never meant to take or expose her as an idiot. But, it wouldn't be funny. And really, that's what it was all about for me, entertaining the troops. I opted for satire. And mockery, too. I carefully crafted a new sign. I took great pains to get the same font, sizing, and spacing. I wanted to make as few changes to her text as possible in the hopes of going undetected for longer.Attention: Whining is now banned from Monday Morning Munchies.
Whining is unhealthy and gets on our nerves.
I was pleased. I showed it to a friend who laughed and said I was going too far. That, to me, meant it was just right. I decided to hang it up the next morning since I get in before most of the team. That way, I could do it undetected and get maximum exposure.
Sadly, the next day, her sign had been taken down. Cooler heads had prevailed. My fun was ruined. Or was it? Today's breakfast was a big box of very tasty looking donuts. I've decided to revive the signage. I'll do it tomorrow when nobody's looking. With any luck, they'll think she was at it again.Attention: Donuts are now banned from Monday Morning Munchies.
Donuts are unhealthy and give me gas.
Latest Disturbing Political Trend
Last Thursday, I blogged about a state representative in Virginia who was up in arms about a sex-ed health fair at a local college. My brother-in-law, Dan, informs me that this guy is not really taken seriously around there. He just happened to do a sound bite that played well in the media. Dan (who really ought to have a blog, by the way...) wished that there was more exposure of a local politician who was actually doing bad things as opposed to just shooting his mouth off...
Well, Dan. We here at BriWise aim to please. And family IS family after all. This will ensure that US Rep. Tom Davis gets notoriety from at LEAST seven more people. Read this to see how a member of the U.S. House of Representatives is trying to abuse Congress' control over D.C. to prevent Democrats from moving into his district.
This is just the next evolutionary step to the redistricting fiasco that the Supreme Court of the US upheld in Texas. Apparently, the new trend is that when you have power, you are allowed to rig things to stay in power.
